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Untrue Marriage

Published on November 21, 2012 by happyone

I have been married for less than six months and we have already separated. I've separated because of lies and deception. I've been told that I was trusted but with reservation. I feel that my spouse really don't trust me. My question is should I divorce him and cut my lost?

ANSWERS

I have a question: How well did the two of you know each other before you got married? Did you talk about the meaning of being married, what characteristics you value? Do you know the "baggage" each of you is burdened with, and that affects your behavior within your marriage?

The reason I ask is that many, many couples hit similar problems at about the time the gloss wears off. Johnny Cash & June Carter sang about it when they said "we got married in a fever".

I strongly suggest you guys sit down with a professional who can help you sort this out; right now you're too reactive to each other to do that for yourselves. That you've both said and done things to wound the other tells me that each of you is being self-protective.

The most important thing to remember is: Don't ever make a big decision (like divorce) when you're emotional like this.

We know so little of your story. It might be good to give us more details on how long you dated. Was your premarital life rocky and filled with lies? Who is lying to whom?

(Actually if there was a lot of lying before you got married, the answer is yes, get out.)

Hi Vette,

My story goes back over 30 years of knowing this man since we we're high school sweethearts. We've dated off and on over the course of 30+ years. In Nov. 2011 this was the actual start of a solid dating period which lead to a marriage taking place in 2012. Yes, it was a rocky life because we would breakup then go back together on a repeated bases. But we finally decide to get married. As it's known that people change after they are married and they finally feel like they've got you. Yes, there were lies before the marriage. I let love take over my heart since he was my first love. But I learned that love wasn't really in his heart. The only thing in his heart was lies. I hope this has given you more knowledge of my story.

Hi Kathe,

As I have explained to Vette the story of this relationship. Yes, I have suggested getting some spiritual counseling, yet he has refused to do so, by making excuses and not willing to follow through. Yes,I agree that we're too reactive to each other and we both said things to each other. He had has cheated on me in coming home late and lying about where he has been. I have shut down in the communication dept. He's an extrovert and I'm a introvert. This is difficult in knowing what to do.

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