YOUR VOTE1 0
trying to move on
My husband and I have been together for 17years. Married for the last 12 of them. We married very young at the age of 18 and had two kids right away. Long story short he began to cheat to feel like he was young and had a life. I became over weight and withdrawn over the feeling that I didnt like my life. When I got to place of realizing I needed to work on saving our marriage, I started to do my part to make myself happy and a better wife and mother. He promised to stop cheating. In 1 years time I lost over 60 lbs. and did everthing I could to work on trusting him. But I still felt that he had things going on outside of our relationship.Come to find out he was continuing on a serious relationship with a women that did not know he was married with two kids. When I found out about her we seperated. In the next few months after that it became an emotional hell. Between him begging me not to divorce him and her begging him to divorce me. I was so hurt and embaressed by the entire thing, although it has been almost 2 years later I feel it was just last week. In that time he has changed so much. He has gone through intense therapy and has done everything I have asked of him as far as earning my trust back. This is the first time he has actually changed his actions. Recently I heard the other women got married and it threw me for a loop and dont know why. My question is, why do I feel this way. I felt, in a way, vindicated that even when she begged him to leave our marriage and marry her, he chose not to. As vein as it may be, I needed her to remain an option, yet never be chosen by him. I feel so damaged by the way I have become. This way of thinking is toxic and deep down I know it. All my life, I have never hurt my friends or family, never been an unfaithful wife. I am a good person, so why do I feel so bad?