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True Love or True Like?

Published on October 6, 2009 by lost lamb

I know it's an age old question that everyone seems to ask...but how can I tell if I'm in love? I've been dating my current boyfriend for 4 months. A year before we met my fiance and I broke up. I realize my previous relationship was not a good one, we used to argue all the time, and we weren't good for each other...but I had strong feelings for him. I simply adore my current bf but I don't feel the sparks with him. Does that mean I don't or can't love him? The first time I met my ex there was instant chemistry, I felt butterflies when we kissed and I "knew" we would be together for life. But...I have never felt butterflies with my current boyfriend. I've never been nervous around him, and I know that if I lost him today (or tomorrow) then I would be sad, of course, but not heartbroken like I was when my ex and I ended our relationship. I'm not even jealous when he talks about his previous girlfriends. What does this mean?? He's the best guy I've ever met, and we've never even been in an argument. He's very sweet and old-fashioned. I want to love him so badly...but I just don't have that feeling for him. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to lose such a great guy...but I also don't want to waste my time on a guy I don't love. Help~!?


Dear Lost Lamb,

You have no idea that you are on the right track and that you are SO healthy in what you are dealing with and what you are feeling.

I am older than you... please trust me....

You wrote: "I don't feel the sparks with him" ... that actually is a good sign!

It means that you have matured, believe it or not.

Do you think, for example, that two old couples (70 and 80) feel "the spark"? NO. "the spark" is long gone... but LOVE is always there.

You see..... that is why young people struggle so much in their youth relationships because they get so .... well...... so....

they just don't know.

I'm telling you the truth. When you can care about someone and actually LOVE them... and there is no "spark" in it.... then you have arrived!

Arrived? You have arrived to the maturity of what Love is and have let go of "puppy love."

You don't need a spark for love. Love IS. It requires nothing except honesty. You are finally there.


Now you can move forward and actually LOVE in the way adult humans are meant to love.

By the way... your new awareness of Love.... it lasts FOREVER and there is NOTHING that can ever destroy it, rease it, take it from you, blind you with it, confuse you with it... not anything. What you have reached is mature love. That is what you now own... and no one can ever take that from you ever again.

Good for you! I am happy for you.!

......and again....... congratulations!

Sorry, but I beg to differ with the first poster........

You DO need to have that spark, that should never go away. I settled and married a long time boyfriend with whom that "spark" went away.....we didn't have any passion and trust me, once you have passion with someone, you want that again! I'm a very passionate person, so to overlook that and accept everything else I thought it would be okay.....but it wasn't....turns out he took advantage of me, was extremely selfish and the friendship and humor I thought would sustain us, well...didn't.

I am now dating someone with whom I get butterflies in my stomach practically every time I see him. We have such incredible chemistry, it is insane!! I've had this chemistry with one person before, but nothing like this. He is old fashioned and a gentleman and talks about being crazy in love til we are in our 80's/90' some of those older couples you see that still pinch each other's behind's....we both want to stay crazy in love just like those couples. When we kiss, all we BOTH feel are sparks, we talk about it all the time and how crazy it is that even after 6 months of dating, we still feel the same. I think when you've got it, you've got it. ;) So if you aren't "feeling" it, don't waste your time or his and move on. There are a ton of fish in the sea, it just takes time, i know, i know.....we live in a very impatient world these days, but remember, good things come to those who wait. =)

Good luck girl! =)