What a tough situation and you must have the patience of a saint. I am assuming that you take care of all of the housework, including making sure he has everything he needs to function. You probably feel like he is taking you for granted and you have every right.
You have to make a decision here because if this isn’t taken care of, you are going to end up unleashing a fury that hell wouldn’t be able to quantify.
Take charge of this now. When he gets home, pull him aside and have a conversation with him. You have to be strong here because this is going to make the difference between him hearing you and him listening to you.
Tell him you need to talk to him for 5 minutes and during that period he is not allowed to say anything until prompted. Start the conversation on a positive note. Let him know that you appreciate the things that he does do like go to work, spending time with the kids... whatever it may be. This is going to soften him up and make him more receptive.
Once you have done this, tell him how you have been feeling. Do not yell. Do not cry. Try to keep it as non-dramatic as possible. Let him know that you are feeling a little overwhelmed and though you respect his need to hang out and decompress with his friends, you would like to do the same. Let him know a day/days/timeslot where you would like to take this time to yourself and work together to figure this out. (In reality, you don’t need his permission to do this. This is just a way to open the lines of communication a bit)
Here’s the thing... Once you get this time, you can spend it however you want. You can go out with your friends or you can stay in with him. The non-negotiable here is that on those days and times, no matter what you choose to do, he is responsible for the kids and any other household stuff that may need to be done.
You probably love your husband a lot or you wouldn’t have married him and vice versa (I hope). If he loves you, he will see this effort and work with you to make sure you get what you need. It’s also up to you to make sure he gets what he needs as well.
If this doesn’t change, you have to ask yourself is this something you will be able to tolerate or not because it will only get worse. If you don’t think you will be able to handle, you have to make the decision that is going to be best for you and your kids. I know you probably try to shield them from your anger but kids can tell when things are off in the household.
I hope everything works out for you hun.
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