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Too fast too soon?

Published on August 10, 2009 by tinypinebox

I met this guy around a month ago and we kinda just clicked. However, hes got some major emotional issues and I want to help him with that. I dont know if I'm being clingy or setting him up to be possesive of his next girlfriends but I've been trying to spend a lot of time with him. and i've been trying to help him with his emotions but I'm not sure if its too much too soon? or if its too fast for him. We've already talked about his past and I've talked about mine too. I'm just not sure where to go from here. Hes got a pretty sad past and its effecting him as a person. Help please?


Its great that you want to help him out, but if his issues are really serious then the only help that may actually work is proffesional help.

Major emotional issues tend to stem from varying forms of parental abuse. They also tend to be problems that are beyond an untrained persons abilities or experiences to try and resolve. There is a chance that you may be doing him more harm than good, despite your good intentions. He needs to really be willing to face his demons and make those changes, otherwise no amount of help from you or a counselor/therapist will be able to help him. Its not easy work, and he'll be made to question a lot of things about himself, but your support in him continuing to see a specialist can go a long way.

I had emotional problems myself when I was younger. Not to the extent that it sounds like your guy has, but enough to make me feel emotionally numb. Therapy helped me out in so many ways that I can't even count! And the quality of relationships I've had since then has gone through the roof!

Be careful. This is some dangerous territory that you're in. You may not know the full extent of his problems, and it's likely that only a well-qualified therapist can give him the help he needs (if he's open to it). Plus, trying to help someone with deep-seated emotional issues can be draining on the person who is trying to help.

You seem to have a good heart, so let me warn you...You can't "save" him. You indicate that you like him for more than a friend, so it will be difficult for you to remain objective to his "issues." Chances are he needs professional help, you will only become an enabler, not his cure-all pill. I say this, 'cause been there done that! Tbone 64 is right, entering into a relationship thinking you can help someone by being with them is draining! Good luck!

i can really relate to that thats how my last relationship was and i did like u and was always there to help then he decided he needed space and we havent talked since july 21st and he even changed his phone number and told ma sister that we were both falling to fast and that he was scared

If he asks for help then do it, but otherwise give him some space and let him work things out on his own.