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Time to end a long-time sexual arrangement?

Published on June 3, 2012 by serenity_369

I'll cut to the chase, skip the drama and make this as painless as possible with a few bullet points: It's lasted for over 3 years, and it should if ended as soon as my feelings got hurt. He became, like infatuated with someone very close to me. Like sibling-close. Well he chose her over me to pursue, and the third party (being enfuriated with me, unrightfully so at that. I never knew she was attracted to the guy- but I didn't tell her about our arrangement either), deemed it ok to reciprocate his infatuation. Ouch, neither of them cared about my feelings? Yeah, ouch. That didn't work out so well for them after a short-lived month or so, and the love triangle resulted in nothing but hurt feelings, loss of trust and this huge 3-way fallout.
A few months pass and things cool off. They wind up not being on speakings terms ever again, and still to this day... My fbuddy profusely apologizes, which I accept but shrug off because that doesn't stop me from being bitter.The third party "forgives me" and I'm glad but I never get an apology. She made it clear she wanted to put it behind her despite my telling her it didn't feel resolved until she apologized. She never did, and never would. So instead of moving on I pretended we were on good terms again, while my anger simmered and soon I became downright vindictive. What they did wasn't right, and I sought revenge. No, I had a grudge. I had a vendetta. This is when I should of nipped the whole thing at the bud- but how satisfying would that be? I return some clothes to fbuddy. We resume our affair in secrecy, because it became just that- an affair. It's been my twisted way of getting back at her. I know. I'm bad.

We've kept it up ever since, cooling off when we get exclusive with other people. But it always heats back up. I've never been as sexually compatible with anyone.

So, There's a part of me that's bitter still towards him, in the beginning I was so naive and I invested my emotions into it- the cardinal rule of FWB that is almost inevitably broken. Its worked out so far, and I do care about him- we've spent a lot of time with another over the years and when you spend a lot of time with someone you bond- but I don't trust him one bit. I really don't fucking like him but I really do like to fuck him. That being said, I have been waiting- hoping all this time for him to realize I'm a catch and for him to want to win over my heart- sweep me off my feet, just so I can shut him down, reject him and really, hurt his feelings as much as he hurt mine. That's not right, and frankly I don't think it's going to ever happen, it hasn't so far. And while I enjoy being fbuddies, my emotions are certainly involved, though it's kind of the opposite of love they still is are strong emotions to have. Too strong to have if I truly didn't care about him...

ok, that was long after all. What are your thoughts? salvage our great sexual arrangement (really the longest we've held a commitment to any one person in our lives) or sever ties and not jeopardize things from becoming any more sticky because of my growing hidden agenda?

ANSWERS

So he won't see you as anything but a cut buddy...as you two have always been...and you want him to fall for you so that you can shut him down? Why waste time doing all that? You are only hurting yourself. He has "on call" sex with you and can still date other people that he is actually interested in making a future with...all while you carry on some secret hatred against him. That doesn't make any sense to me. I think you should cut him off and take time to heal. Forgive them and move on from that terrible incident. How can you move on with your life if you carry so much hatred and bitterness around with you? Good luck with forgiving, letting go and moving on.

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