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The bad girl...

Published on September 6, 2013 by stuckinthemiddle

I'm cheating on my fiancé and I don't know how to stop. I've never been that girl who's ever even considered it and probably never would have had the first incident never happened. I've been with my boyfriend for 9 years. We separated twice during that time and almost a third time right before he proposed. We have two children together and I believe that's why I always wanted to make things work.

A year and a half ago I ended up in a situation with one of our close friends (who is also in a relationship with another one of our friends and they also have two children) The two of us were stuck together for many hours with nothing but drinks to keep us company. Many hours of talking and walking and drinks later we made our way home at which time out of no where he kissed me. It was just a kiss, we left it at that, stopped and never spoke of it again for months. Months passed and suddenly one day decided to break down to me, he told me everytime I'm around he gets so nervous and his heart races and he thinks about me all the time. I was shocked and in awe, I didn't know what to do. Then he kissed me again. Now for the past year there have been multiple occasions he's stopped in to see me or we've gone out for supper or just gone for a ride. We've only ever kissed. We've never let it go further then that. I know we've both wanted to but I think we both feel so guilty. I promised myself if my bf proposed it was going to stop. And the first time I seen him after I told him it had to stop. But it seems like every time we say we're going to stop there's just another situation that comes up that we end up alone together and we are drawn to each other.

This is tearing me up. I love my bf because he is the man that gave me the most wonderful part of my life. We've been through as much as you can imagine together. I want to be a whole family with him and make things work and stop seeing our friend but I don't know how to stop. I'm so attracted to him. He makes me smile the second I'm with him and fills all the spots I'm missing in my relationship. Every time I'm with him I feel like life's perfect, we can just sit and talk about nothing for hours and never get bored.

I don't know if its just the excitement of something new or what it is but I knows it's wrong and I know something's got to change I just don't know how to do it and I need some help.