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take a break????

Published on August 28, 2013 by helmeee

my bf recently told me we need to take a break for about a month and then move back into together but my question is we still have sex and he refuses to kiss me because he says it involves to many feelings how do I get him to want to kiss me again

ANSWERS

I can feel your anguish.

People are all different, have different needs and ways of expressing themselves. Most of the time, it is simply a matter of not understanding ourselves and our partner that causes a lot of the stress and heartbreak we feel as a result of things that happen in our relationship.

Then there is a funny energetic dynamic that happens. Whether they are aware of it or not, people can feel what other people are feeling. The more stressed you feel about what is happening, the more your partner is going to react. And usually in the opposite direction from what you want!

If you could focus more attention on you, take care of yourself, nurture yourself, genuinely appreciate yourself, then the unspoken energetic messages you will be sending to your boyfriend will be those of love, appreciation, caring and self worthiness. He will feel it and start to see and respond to you from that perspective.

Personal boundaries come in here - yours. If he is the only one who gets to decide how the relationship will work, you are going to have to accept him getting what he wants without getting what you want. If you want to be respected and stand up for yourself, refusing to be hurt by the type of relationship he wants, speak up.

Decide what is acceptable and unacceptable to you. Do you want to constantly be hurt by someone being with you for your body and his own needs yet refusing to give you what YOU want and need? If you don't, tell him. No one will respect you truly until you respect yourself and being taken advantage of is not respecting yourself.

If you fear you won't find anyone as good to you as he is (he isn't right now) or who loves you as much as he does (he seems like he's holding that back right now), my suggestion is to be single without dating anyone until you get very clear on your own value as a woman and how much better you deserve to be treated.

You are worth so much more than both of you are giving you credit for. You are worthy of all of your dreams and aspirations or you wouldn't be here. No one is better than anyone else, they simply make different choices of how they live. I encourage you, awesome woman, to step up and treat yourself with dignity and lovingly demand that any man who wants you does the same.

Those who mistreat others don't always realize what they are doing. Letting them know can shift their whole life if they are interested in learning and growing. If they are not interested, move on.

You deserve to be loved and you need to be loving. You deserve to be respected so you need to respect those who show you they deserve it. You deserve to be treated well therefore, you must treat yourself well. Getting the picture? When you become the kind of person you want to attract to you, they will find their way into your life.

You might tell him something like this, "I love you. Our relationship isn't working for me the way it is. These are the things I am willing to give to our relationship (love, time, exclusivity, etc) _. This is what I need from you ___. Will this work for you too or do we need to step away from each other for a while?"

Sending positive love and light your way. Coach Kelly Rudolph

If you're still having sex, that's not really taking a break. Sounds like he wants to have sex but doesn't want any of the emotional commitment. What do you want? It sounds like you want a real relationship. The pain you are feeling is that he doesn't want the same things that you do. It's a terrible situation. I think most of us have been in this kind of relationship at one time or another. You have to ask yourself if you can be happy with just a sexual relationship. Or if you need to break up with him and find someone who is more committed to you. Good luck. Sorry, I know it hurts.

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