4 1


Submissive Wifestye?

Published on June 4, 2013 by kjlames

So i'm late to the game and have come across a few promoters of the submissive wifestyle (Fascinating Womanhood, How To Teach Your Husband To Love You, The Surrendered Wife etc).

I seen some raving feedback saying how this kind of 'husband management' (for want of a better phrase), has worked wonders for their marriage and those who describe is as 'manipulation via simpering' to get what you want from your relationship.

General impression is that those who have tried it says it works surprisingly well in getting things back on track in your marriage (as long as you keep it up) and others say it's a throwback to the 50's (usually this come from women who haven't bothered to try it mind)

Starting from a position of a marriage losing its affection (and maybe love), has anyone tried the ideas in these books for a long period of time? What were the results?

Bear in mind that these are aimed at wives married to husbands whose emotional scale and affection has steadily declined to near 0 after a period of marriage


My wife read some of those books and implemented it on me... I have to admit I was putty in her hands. I didn't even realize that she was doing anything different but I was being nicer to her and seeing her in a new light....

What works for one couple may not work for others. This is not a one-size-fits-all solution. It can work quite well for a couple where the woman is naturally submissive and the man is naturally dominant, or vice versa. The dominant-submissive relationship is often referred to as D/s. It partly depends on whether you are talking about being submissive only in the bedroom or in all areas, 24/7 as it is sometimes called. There are many women (and men!) who have power and control in their job and career and family every day but for sex, want to relinquish that power. For them it is a therapeutic release. For others, it is more of a "man is the head of the household" kind of relationship. The important thing here is that, whatever type of relationship you decide to have, it must fit you as a couple: it must be right for both of you. It will not work if either is unwilling or unsure. For the submissive partner, true submission must be freely given. It cannot be demanded, for then it is merely forced subjugation. Further, I don't think submission should be used as a way to manipulate or control another person; it could very well backfire. As for the dominant, he/she has a lot of power, and therefore, must use it well. There is a great deal of responsibility in being a dominant. He should always have his partner's best interest in mind. So someone who is selfish, narcissistic or has anger/rage problems would not make a good mate as a dominant. It sounds like more clarity is needed. A D/s relationship is complicated, and can be very emotionally intense for both partners. It works best when both partners are mature and have good self-control.

A submissive might be:quiet, simple, sad, wanting touch, needing him,being a giver, happy in little things, no pressure, no worries, calm, soothing, loving to cuddle, making lot of time for him, waiting for him...idk very loving... but what do these characteristics do to someone else? They might cause him to think about her more and like her more. It would build a strong bond. Would you not like someone like that? Lol

One of the reasons why this approach sometimes works is because it can create "polarity" in the relationship: the man may feel more reassured in his manliness, how he is affirmed, needed and wanted, which would make the woman more attractive in his eyes.

The thing is, if it's just tactics and you're becoming someone you're not, there won't be any real satisfaction in this for you.

There are ways to create polarity and to increase attraction between long-term partner that are much more fun, meaningful and authentic.

I've talked more about it in a recent interview for a Sex Report in Top Santé. Check my profile here on YourTango, then go to my website and under the News Sections you will find a link to view the whole report and exactly what the story is with gender roles and equality vs polarity.