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Strategies to deal with his porn problem?

Published on October 4, 2010 by cupcakemomma

So my man and I have hit some hard issues recently, well, not really recently, but ongoing, and recurrent with big gaps in between. They are related to values and morals, and what commitment is. I don't want to go into huge details, but we have extremely differing opinions on what types of online and "self loving" behaviors are acceptable in a relationship, and he also claims to have an addiction to certain types of websites.. And after massive research, I believe him. But what I'm wondering is, How do I stay positive and supportive with out being pushy while he comes to terms with his issues? Even though I understand his behavior I am finding it hard to not react when he makes choices that are harmful to our relationship. Is it possible to be strong and helpful when I feel destroyed by his actions?

ANSWERS

Hi Cupcakemomma,

Here are my responses to the two questions you ask in your posting.

First, the method you use to stay positive and supportive without being pushy while waiting for change is to provide him with options to speed his understanding that this hurts you and makes you feel unsure of the future of your relationship. If he wants to make you happy and keep you, his next step is to seek help (professional or something that works for both of you). This shows that he gets it and is willing to work with you to make it better.

Secondly, feelings of strength and helpfulness are a result of his commitment to getting help and asking your help to be better for the both of you. If this happens, then it becomes a team effort for the sake of the relationship.

The fact that he admits this is a problem is good for both of you. Getting him some help and remaining by his side as he recovers is the best method for this type of challenge.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

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