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Give Advice: I'm Still In Love With Someone From Grade School

Published on June 3, 2012 by vcares

I am still in love with my first love from second grade. We've never had a relationship. We've just always had a strong connnection over the past. I've never dated him and have tried to follow his whereabouts over the past 45 years. He is now happily married and I am very happy for him. I just don't understand why I still have dreams about him and still feel so in love with him. Any advice on how to cope with this would be greatly appreciated.


I think you should really think about why you still have these feelings. You say he is happily married? Well I think you deserve someone who is as passionate about you as you are about them, and if he is happy with someone else, then perhaps he didn't feel that deep connection you did. Was he your best friend? What qualities truly in him do you so desperately miss? Perhaps the fact that you have the "what-if" situation you are keeping an idealistic view of this person, forgetting all their faults. After all, everyone has faults! I am not aware of the etiquette of the situation, but I might even advise telling him how you've felt all these years. Breaking up marriages is wrong blah blah blah but perhaps one of the reasons you still have feelings for him is that you think there's still a chance of being together? Maybe confronting him is best here because he might close that window and help you move on. It might seem scary to be so out-of-the-blue about your feelings, but it might really help you to talk about them to him.

I have sent him numerous emails through classmates over the years trying to find him. In these emails I apologized to him about anything I might have done to make him angry when we were children and just wished him a happy life and maybe we could be friends. One day he finally responded with a very short email stating he was happily married and it looked like I had done well in my life and to take care. he said he was not very good at emails. That was the one and only contact I had with him which made it crystal clear to me we have no connection. I know that is the fact but that childhood connection with him haunts me and always will. It is by no means a reason to destroy my current marriage and life as he wants nothing to do with me. He had a girlfriend all through jr high and high school and never gave me the time of day so obviously this is my problem,my issue and has nothing to do with him.

When you're not happy in your present, you often look to the past to find your happiness. You'll never find it there. Think about how you can improve your relationship with your husband. Get some books from the library like, The Five Love Languages and Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Learn from them, and discuss them with your husband. Come up with new, fun things to do together. Have a date once a week. Go hiking, bowling, have a romantic picnic on your living room floor or by a lake/ocean. Write him a love note. Go to a couples sex store and pick out new things to spice things up. When your husband sees you making an effort, he should respond in kind. Good luck.

You are correct. After 28 years of marriage I feel used, abused, unappreciated, unloved and unneeded. If it wasnt for my 9 yr old daughter I would seriously consider walking out. His family are assholes and I finally took my last blows from them and have disowned his Mother, sister and niece for good. I have been treated like shit from his Mother and Sister since we were engaged and they have never cut me any slack. He has never really stood up for me which makes me feel even more unloved. I feel like I have wasted 28 yrs of my life with the wrong person. Unhappy is not even a word to describe how I feel I had a complete nervous breakdown on 5/17 and I am very sick. This was all shortly after I had a heart attack. Only GOD knows the plan for me in my life and I am just praying it involves happiness.