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starting to get a complex...

Published on September 20, 2013 by ursula21

This is going to be a long winded question, but as you can see from my title, I really need some help. I am an educated professional, well traveled, stylish (almost) 32 year old female with great family and friends. By all accounts I have a very full, wonderful life. However, I have never, not even close, been in a relationship. I didn't really start dating, if you even want to call it that, until I was 27. Believe me, it wasn't because I didn't want to. Boys/Men just never seemed interested in me. No, I didn't live in a tiny town. I grew up in the suburbs and went to a pretty big university. I wasn't overweight. I am not someone you would call ugly. I finally started to get more attention in my late 20's. Maybe because I grew into my looks or got a little bit more confidence. However, it still seemed like I was ignored by most men and getting attention from all the wrong ones. In the beginning it was flattering to have anyone tell me I was pretty. However, its a very specific group of men that do find me attractive and these are not men I could ever see myself dating. I finally started online dating after my friends harassed me. It seemed to reinforce everything I already thought about myself. All the guys I would never consider dating were messaging me. All messages that I sent out were completely ignored. I always seem to have to force myself to like someone because I feel like I have no other option. After one date, I realize my gut was right. Even if once in a blue moon something happens with a guy I am attracted too (thats happened like twice maybe), things never go past a first date.

I have amazing friends, an active social life, I work at a giant medical center in a big city. I don't have weird issues or hang ups. I go out almost every weekend. My friends tell me I'm pretty, kind, smart and funny. I truly believe I have a lot to offer. Besides guys at the bar just looking for hookups, guys rarely ever seem to like me. After 15 years of being perpetually single, I'm just trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong. Do I just have terrible luck in dating? What should I be doing differently? My friends have tried to help me but I'm really starting to lose hope. I can already picture myself as an 80 year old woman with a house full of shoes, designer of course. No cats, though. I'm allergic.

ANSWERS

Hi there! You are most likely not attracting the right people right now wherever you are spending the majority of your time. It's unlikely you'll meet someone at a bar, and often times you need to get out and do things by yourself that you enjoy and be open to meeting other people. After getting some positive reinforcement that you are wonderful the way you are, you'll probably exude a more addicting confidence when you're out, that makes you more approachable to men. Whenever I've gone through months at a time where I've been under a lot of stress or really hoping to meet someone, it seems like it's completely transparent whenever I'm out and about. It's when you least expect it and are out doing what makes you happy that you meet the right people. You have so much to offer and need to know at the end of the day that who you are is enough and that you are not defined by the guys who have happen to come in your path. Keep your confidence up, try not to take dating as seriously as I know it can feel you need to at this point in your life, so that you're more open to new people passing into your life. Maybe the next one isn't "the one" but he's someone to re-explore what you're like in a relationship - and perhaps just getting back on the dating train will remind you of how amazing you are and lead you closer to the one you're hoping to find! I hope this helps!!

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