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starting over and past history! How?

Published on October 9, 2011 by tmb

well it's like this! I have know this guy for like 4months now and at first we hit it pretty good and from there we started dating and we was both happy to the point that we told everybody and post it on facebook and I met his family and all his friends including his females friends cause he wanted me to be know about and did'nt want to hide me from his friends and family and I was cool with that. I did the samething with some of my family like my mom and my kids and my friends as well cause I am and will always have feeling this guy. It was so good with us at onetime that I was about to move in with this guy leave my place and move into his place. But as time when on he really never made me feel that his place was my place so we started arguing and that's when the real person came about and  at the last minute I was able to keep my place and I moved back into my place. But after that we got back together on a sexual encounter and we started seeing each other and talking on the phone. But it was stll some issues that I was not happy about and I told him and he never did changed or say he was sorry from past conversations because he felt that he was at fault. so he just had an don't care attitude the the hole time that we was talking. so here we go again and we are now talking on the phone but we both are telling each other that we still want to keep the relationship part but just as talking and sex. But we both have said that we still have strong feeling for each other and we agreed to that. But now he wants to know what are we and he says I will know that he wants to move on because he will stop talking to me all the way. I told him that I want him just like I have it now which is sexual at times and  I only want him which is true. I do only want him but I hate his other side of him. so how should I handle this? He comes over wants in the while but he does call me and we always tell each other how we feel about each other then after that we end up back together and feeling all over the place. But when we not together we always calling each other. But I still have those issues that I separated myself away from him about and he says that he is not going to change so now what? I still love him alot and yes I do miss what we had but now he don't know what he feels for me or what he wants from me anymore. But he ask me what are we cause he has other females that want him and he says that he don't want to disrespect me if we are a couple and deal with other females. so what I should tell him or do?

ANSWERS

The first 3 or 4 months are not reality. It's a time of living in a bubble of paradise. Never make major decisions like moving in with someone until you've known them a minimum of a year. As you see, after the paradise wears off, the reality makes itself known. A person is usually always at their best at the beginning. They begin to reveal their real selves over time. If he is already considering being with other women, and entertains that thought, he's just not that into you.

If your needs aren't being met, it's time to move on. That's the point of dating, to see if a person is the right long-term partner for you. You are not happy with the way things are going. He told you he won't change. Why are you settling? Don't you deserve someone who is worthy of you? Then make it happen.

Safre1023 I am not settling and yes I know I deserve better. And just for the record I have cut all tides and that's what I should have done from the start but I tried to keep some type of communication between us but as time went on I started seeing stuff for what it really was and I was letting him know that knew and he was just as nasty with that fuck it attitude. so I stop everything and yes I am moving on for real girl! Thanks for the advice!

It sounds like both of you need time to think things through. Hold off on the frequency of telephone calls and seeing each other, let some time pass between you where you can both look at the options here. In your question you state that he has told you he is not going to change. Take that as a clue. The "other side of him" showed itself to you before you made the move to his place. It seemed to me that the relationship had become far too serious for him, and things needed to cool down for a little while, and you didn't move into his place. If you continue to peruse each other without taking time to think things through it will not end well. I you just enjoy the relationship without any pressure about moving into his place, what would happen? Surely after the pressure eases off and you both get to know each other a lot more, he may ask you to move in with him. At the moment it does not sound as though he is mentally ready to live with you. However, if you decide you can only be friends with him, then that is fine too, as long as you do not cross the line into constantly breaking up then getting back together. If the relationship is over, make a clean break and keep the relationship non-sexual. Who knows, someone may come into your life who rocks your world ! Hope this helps. my best regards to you. Ruby Binns-Cagney

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