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Almost everyone wants to meet someone they can build a life with. This is a very normal human longing. Some people say they want to find a husband or wife. Others call it "life partner" or finding "the one." You, and many others, say "soul mate." Whatever we call it, we all want that special someone to be in our lives as friend and lover, to make a commitment with and build a life with.

I think the term "soul mate" is overused and overrated, personally. I think it implies that there is one right person out there for each of us who will totaly get us and make us feel like we've found that part of ourselves that was seeking completion. That's all very romantic, but I don't think its very realistic. Of course, we should all feel that someone we're involved with romantically seeks to understand us, and similar backgrounds and beliefs can help with this. My issue is that most people who are seeking their one perfect "soul mate" have expectations that are too high and too mystical. Its not about lightning striking when eyes meet across a crowded room. Its also not about two people never having difficult times in their relationship. Some people think that being soul mates means never arguing and being passionately in love every second of every day.

I do think a "soul mate" relationship can be created when you've found someone you want to make a life with. That takes time, energy, and skill. I believe it is important for singles to know what they want in a partner. David Steele's book "Conscious Dating" talks a lot about how to have clarity about what you require, need, and want in someone to be involved with long-term. If you google "Relationship Coaching Institute," you will find a site full of articles for singles on this topic. I think few of us have taken the time to really sort out what we're looking for.

You also have to get out there to meet people. Your "soul mate" isn't going to just fall in your lap one day. You might already know the person you will ultimately build a life with so take a second look at the friends and co workers you're usually around. Or, you may need to get involved in local organizations that are of interest to you to begin meeting people who are interested in similar things. This may be something to do with outdoor activities, a charitable cause you care about, a religious organization, or any number of other possibilities. Get to know people by asking them questions about themselves and observing them interacting with others. Keep an open mind about the process. Most of all, b the kind of person you would want to attract. Make sure you have your life in order careerwise, financially, emotionally, physically, etc., so you'll be ready when you start meeting people you want to get to know better. You might have a few situations that don't work out before you find your "special someone," but those situations are excellent opportunities to learn and to gain confidence in the process.

None of this is as simple as it sounds here, of course. If you need someone to help you clarify some of these issues, it can be a good idea to seek out a good counselor or relationship coach to assist you in this process. I wish you the best.

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