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Is something wrong with me?

Published on August 10, 2009 by avex

I'm a 32 year old guy , got married about a year ago and it was an arranged marriage. Even before we got tied up there was number times both our family had clash and quarells each other until it came to halt the wedding. After negotiations and compromising than everythiong went on . After the wedding another clash happenend and I'm not in talking terms with my inlaws . I accepted to this marriage after seeing my wife and some sort I like her even though she wasn't the type of girl whom i'll fall in love with or give a second look but she is a good looking girl. Since then I tried to fall in love with her but finding it quite difficult but i'll try my level best to be nice with her . There was numerous occasion that i showed my anger and used harsh words on her but I never raised my hands on her. Now even i'm finding it difficult to make love with her even once a month because i really don't have the interest on sex with her. I started looking around other women whom I may fall in love but i try to hold on to my feelings even if i see one on the streets or anywhere. I'm not sure where are all these leading too.

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well it looks to me that you are going to have to do whats in the best interest of the both of you and get a divorce!!! you dont really want her and im sure she feels the same. i know that it may go against everything you fam. belives in but lets be real here, you only have one life to live and it is up to you to make "you" happy !!! leave her first dont cheat she does not deserve that.... leave.

I think you need to talk to your wife honestly about your feelings. Tell her you are feeling distant and ask her if there are things you can to to connect. Ask for her opinion and her input. You aren't doing this alone, you are doing this with her, so start an open dialogue ask her how she feels. Then consider some couple's counseling. That can get you both opening up and sharing real intimacy.

I think that making a marriage work is only 1% physical attraction the other 99% is hard work and commitment. You guys are starting off without some of that attraction, but believe me every couple at one point will go through a phase that feels like this. So handle it well. Don't follow your feelings, focus on your wife and your commitment. Give this your best shot. It's easy to think that marrying another woman would be easier, but I promise you. You' d get to this point even if you were married to the hottest woman on the planet.

I don't know much about how to make an arranged marriage work, but I wonder if you can "court" her. Bring her flowers or small presents. Take her out somewhere. Do some small favor for her. Talk to her about your work or your dreams.

It might also help if you can work things out with her in-laws. She may be missing them. Do you have any family members who can help you here?

I think Liz is right, talking to your wife is key. You need to find out what would make her happy and try to give it to her.

You may have gotten off on the wrong foot with your bride. Apologize for your harsh words and ask her if you two can start over.

Absolutely nothing wrong with you. This marriage is one of convention, not of love, so either you need to commit to nurturing the relationship into a sort of love or quit while it's still early. My parents come from an arranged marriage as well. At points it was rocky, but they went about it like a business contract. Sounds cold, but it worked well in our case. Both knew they had to make personal sacrifices to make a family work. Now into late 50's they seem very content and happy with the lives they've built together.

No there is nothing wrong with you at all. I think first sit down with your wife and have a conversion about your feelings about everything. Be honest with each other, it may take more than a day to talk but u know where you stand with her. Please dont let family or inlaws get in your way of your feeling or decsions. Its your life not theirs. If she dont open up or want to talk about it try to find common things with her to get her to share her feelings. Apologize for your harsh words too. I was married over 10 ten years and just grew apart and divorced. You cant live or be married to someone who dont love or share the same feelings. Trust me over 2 years of crying to get out of the marriage, it is your life and u need to move on and be happy with life . No matter what religion or family say. No there is nothing wrong with you stand up and speak your mind.

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