NO! Trust me when I say marriage is one of the hardest stages in life. The ~only~ reasons to get married is because you believe in the institution of marriage and more importantly because he is your soulmate, love of your life, can't imagine life-no matter what-without him. (this goes for any and all relationships headed for marriage-not just heterosexuals) I know lots of life mates, but very rarely does a marriage make it past the second year when it is based on 'because I got pregnant.' Being a parent is the hardest job in the world! The important thing is that the child has both parents involved in it's life, and that both parents get along and have respect for one another. Not if the parents are married. If it works out that ya'll end up friends with a mutual love for your child, that's okay. It doesn't matter what everyone else, including family, thinks. It matters what you two as a couple, and now as parents, think, feel, and are. The only thing concrete at this point is that your pregnant.
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There are so many things to consider in asking this question! I appreciate that you are looking long and hard at your situation and working to make the best possible decision. Backing up and taking another look, I think, is a great idea. I also think you will benefit by looking at this question with a therapist, coach or counselor, because such a person can help you get perspective. Fighting about "little things" is pretty common, and doesn't necessarily indicate whether you will have a good marriage. However, those "little fights" could be hiding some larger issues, which you will need help to find and resolve. Every couple engages in some level of power struggle, especially at the times when deeper commitment (like pregnancy) is demanded. What you need is to learn HOW to resolve those power struggles. Each time you get in one of these tiffs, it is an OPPORTUNITY for you to learn something that CAN deepen and improve your relationship, once learned. For your child to have the opportunity to grow up in an intact and loving family, I think it is worth your time and investment for both of you to get help to know how to identify and resolve your power struggle issues. I hope you also think this is worth the investment. In the meantime, you can also decide--your own self--to put LOVE as the primary principle by which you live your life. Love doesn't just mean loving others, though. It also means being loving to yourself. What are the most loving decisions you can make here, every day and for the long term--for yourself and for others? Asking and answering these questions will help you. Please don't allow yourself to be pushed further into living a life based on decisions you have made and told your family about. Remember that with a child on the way, you are starting a new family, and need to think about what this new person, and this new family, needs. This will take a lot of fast growing up from you. I'm betting you can do it! My best, Ilene
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