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Should someone ignore his instinct (question is about love)?

Published on March 12, 2012 by guybrush

I have been in a relationship for 6 years until a month ago, with many ups and downs, even with two breakups after 4 and 5 years. The problem is I can't relax myself and start fully loving her because of her complicated diabetes which implicates baby problems in future, which I couldn't bear, I mean I could, but I really don't wish to make a baby with such problems (and I wish at least one of my own). I think she feels that I am not completely dedicated and our relationship suffers. In every other term she is perfect person. Everytime we broke up, as the last time, happend when our relationship had to become more serious (I broke up every time). I feel very bad as person on one hand for not letting her go, on the other hand, I am affraid that she won't find someone who will accept it if I leave her since we are older now (every breakup was also very difficult for me as for her, because of all love feelings, not just my worry about her). Should I leave her for good or accept living with all the problems we have to deal with? Well you probably won't be able to answer that, but do you think that I could live with that if I choose to be with her forever or that would just make frustrations later in life? Does my instinct make me a bad person?

ANSWERS

You are not a bad person. The issues that you bring up are very real. If you know that it is something that you do not want to deal with, you need to leave now. There is no point in you two staying together and giving it a shot if you do not want to deal with the possibilities. HOWEVER, a good friend of mine has diabetes and she had a child a few months ago. They did have to perform a c-section once they induced the labor due to complications. So the baby was premature. She was healthy and she is growing up without any medical issues right now. I hope that this gives you hope, but everyone's body is different. Also, do not stay in a relationship because you feel that the other person will not find anyone else, she will be fine if you two break up. Like I said, do not take the risk if you cannot deal with the possibility of having a child with issues, or not having a child at all. Good Luck.

I can see a few things in your message: 1. "Her complicated diabetes ... implicates baby problems in future" I see this as an assumption, a belief that might give that result if you "walk" that path. In my opinion, this is only a belief because no one could guess the future (just make assumptions about it). And by believing those assumptions... they allow those assumptions become real. What ather fears do you have? You might want to work first on your own fears, than make a decision. "You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith." ~Mary Manin Morrissey 2. There's not such thing as "bad person", just our perspective about that person (based on our experience, knowledge or assumptions). If you act in integrity with yourself, why would you be a "bad person"? Maybe others will not know the whole truth, but you shouldn't care about what they say... because it's your life, not theirs.

See an endocrinologist and discuss the issue with him/her. You need professional advice along with a list of options.

Thank you for your response. Yes, there are also many stories on the internet about postive outcome for parents with diabetes, but like you said, evreryone's body is different. In her case exactly, probability of negative outcome is fairly high. Thank you for your strait and clean answer. It seems to me too, that leaving is the only right decision.

Thank you very much for your answer. I must say I have really prospered from your second answer concerning "bad person" thing. As for the first part of your answer, yes, it is really an assumption, but probability is fairly high according to her specific medical case, it is not just my assumption that diabetes is complicated and implicates problems. And yes, I confess I have many other fears, but I 'mostly' do not lack the faith and hope (maybe my strongest weapon), but since I cannot change/control/help anything in this case I feel hopeless and helpless.

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