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Should parenting always come first

Published on April 10, 2009 by mango

My husband and I have three adorable children that we, along with our careers, devote our lives to. While our goals remain the same and while our parenting seems to be great, I feel like I don't know him outside of our role as parents. How can I get him back without sacrificing what we've built.


One of the greatest mistakes parents make is loosing each other in raising children. Actually, a rather big part of parenting is keeping our marriage alive. The best father is one who loves his wife and the best mother is one who loves her husband. If you don't know each other outside of your role as parents, then you both need time together and agree to not talk about the children, your parents, etc. There is hardly much worse on a date with your spouse and downright horrible while making love to distract the time together by talking about kids, parents etc. Thank God my wife has not mentioned her mother, her therapist or our children while in the very middle of sex. I'm sure people's minds wander, but if it does, just keep it to yourself.

Go on dates. If you work, you may feel guilty for being apart from your kids, but you need it! (Trade babysitting if you don't have money.)

The foundation of your children's lives is your marriage. Many times we get this backward--"When they don't need us so much, we'll work on our marriage." But children can predict, learn, feel secure, in a family where the marriage is paramount.

Make the time to touch his hand softly, have a romantic kiss, and risk being vulnerable with him! If your kids see you put him first, they may be jealous, but they will also feel more secure.