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Should I tell him how I really feel?

Published on August 31, 2011 by melshie

I am a single parent who never really experience true love. I loved my ex-husband, but not in-love with him. I have recently met someone with whom there is a genuine connection. We met online through a dating site and spoke on the phone for hours before we even met. Conversation came very easily and we share a lot of the same interests and values. I was very excited as I thought that I finally met "the one" (possibly). When we did meet, it was like I had known him forever. We were very comfortable together. I was thrilled! It was as if the universe has presented to me everything that I had wished for in a human being! I did not have to pursue him, he pursued me.

He has a very demanding job which takes him away from home on a regular basis, in his company there are only a few that do his role and someone has resigned, leaving the workload on to him and the others. For the next six months he is barely going to be at home and he may possibly have to move 8 hours away from me. He said that he doesn't want to keep me waiting around, that he doesn't want me to put my life on "hold" for him because I literally will probably never see him until March next year. He does the job he does so that he can provide for his children, so that they can have a good life. I would never ask him to stop doing that at all.

I was gutted when I heard this, so was he. Talk about bad timing! If only he was told of this before I met him! The universe, which seemed to provide for me had suddenly pulled the rug out from beneath me.

I genuinely do care for him and like him very much and would rather be his friend than nothing at all.

My question is do I tell him how I really feel, that I would wait forever for him, that I don't care so much that we can't see each other, that knowing that he is there is enough at the moment, that I will wait until we can be together. Do I tell him that I love him? Do I tell him that he is constantly on my mind, from the moment I wake up in the morning until I go to sleep at night? How can I tell him this? Do I write it in a letter? Do I risk telling him and risk our friendship?

Please, any advice would be very much appreciated.

He suggested that we stop all contact, that it would be easier that way, however I disagreed. We remain Facebook friends, he has been calling me and has even told me that he misses me. It is killing me feeling this way, the very strong feelings I do have for him knowing that we can't physically be together.


You don't know him well enough to say he is everything to you. Did he say that to you? No, he told you to stop contact and do not put your life on hold for him. Six months is a long time to wait for someone you barely know.

Pay attention and listen! The Universe is giving you a message, he is NOT the one. You’re fooling yourself, “He suggested that we stop all contact”. He has quit you and is moving on. There’s one thing that men do when they want a woman: THEY MAKE A WAY! He has not done this. It seems that you’re more invested in this relationship than he.

Why would you wait for someone who clearly doesn’t want you? Keep your feelings to yourself. Unfriend and block him on Facebook and move on with your life. See it for what it really is a fling that is over.

Inez Bracy

I see red flags here. Many men are cowards, and instead of breaking up with a woman, they feed them lines, untruths, and worm their way out of a situation. No, you don't love him after such a short time. It's a crush. Always remember that everything is usually always wonderful the first 3 or 4 months when you meet someone. Don't assume he's "the one" until you pass that beginning bubble of bliss, and you see how he treats you over a long period of time, such as one year and beyond.

Assuming he's "the one" after the first few dates will scare a man away. Always take it day by day with a wait and see attitude. It takes time to see if two people are compatible and have the same life goals. I did online dating for over 2 years after my divorce. Many men lied to me at the beginning, tell me their goal was to have a long term relationship. Turns out they wanted to make their way through all the women on the dating site. Be very cautious and keep up your guard until a man's words match his actions. Good luck.

Where were you 6 1/2 months ago? lol...wish i had gotten this advice to leave the man alone that has me looking at all black men in such a negative light

Melshie - I'm sorry but I have to agree with everything said here. So often we fall in love with what we THINK a man is or what we want him to be. We want love so much that we can create it in our minds. And once we "believe" we are in love, we can throw all sensibility out and simply disregard contrary evidence. What I'm saying here is that you really don't know enough about this man to be in love with him. Perhaps you are in love with the IDEA of being in love.

What Inez said is 100% true: when a man wants to see you he will. Unfortunately he just doesn't seem sincere. it sounds to me like he's stringing you along. There can be reasons for this: he's married or otherwise attached, he's not that interested...regardless he's not willing to give you what you really want: true love. Sounds to me that what he wants most is for you to be in love with him. That usually comes from ego; not the heart.

Here's an article that may help you. I know this isn't the advice you wanted to hear, but in my experience coaching many, many women, it seems to be true and one day I' know yo'll be glad you heard it. I wish you the very best.