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should i stop talking to my husband when he call

Published on July 8, 2009 by oneofakind

my husband had an ex martial affair we have a son together he call to speak to our son but want to know my whereabouts and ask me to get on the phone to say he still love me, he never stop loving me,and he miss me but its been 5 months we have been separated and i filed for divorce but when i talk to him i get mixed feelings then i have to catch myself i dont want to go backward cause whats done is done and i want someone new in my life i am happy in my life and want to look to the future but his calls is not healthy ............need help fast

ANSWERS

Well, you can't shut him out. He is the father of your son. But you need to make it clear that he has to stop the love talk. Draw a clear boundary and tell him that the moment he starts that kind of talk is the moment you hang up the phone on him. And follow through. Don't make threats you aren't going to follow through on. Also, how old is your son? Old enough to have a cell phone? If your son has a cell phone, I would suggest that your husband call him on that phone until you can get into a more firm place of self control. And then get yourself an ally (your mom, a close friend) and a therapist.

you have to speak to him because of your son... when he asks about you, tell him you aren't comfortable talking about your feelings to him anymore... he lost that part of you when he decided to have an affair. He needs to realize he made a mistake and cannot expect you to just take him back... the divorce papers are already filed... just stay strong.

Aaahh, the man who tries to hold you by way of your child, what a sad, sad man. I had this problem with my daughter's dad. I suppose the only difference might be that he was arrested early in my pregnancy and released when my daughter was four. From prison he'd send letters (never asking about his daughter) and eventually, I just sent him one back saying that they were very inappropriate and if he wanted to speak to me it had to be about her. This worked in that setting because his mail was being read by prison officials before he got it. But after his release, I made sure to try to stay in contact with him for her sake, but it started again. The questions about what and who was doing, how I was doing it, and plenty more degrading and filthy questions. I told him that if he wanted to communicate with me it HAD to be in a written form so that I could show the courts (if it ever came to that) that he was harrassing me. And the ONLY time he speaks to his daughter is when she calls him, and during these calls I do not get on the phone to speak to him and his behaviour has changed dramatically.

If your husband needs to talk to you about your child, I seriously recommend making him talk to you through written forms of communication so he has to leave a paper trail of what he says. If he is calling, look at your caller ID, then hand the phone to your child and when your child it done, hang up the phone. If it's an emergency he can send a text, leave a voicemail, or call the authorities who will notify you without being piggish.

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