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Should I stay with my husband?

Published on May 2, 2012 by lost girl

I am a 29 year old woman who has been married for the past 10 years and I have two children with my husband. We married within a month and a half of knowing each other as I asked him to marry me and he said yes. My life at that time was very stressful as I was living with my parents and had a tough time getting on with them. So I really think I wanted to run away from them. Life with my husband has been generally good however I feel that in times of great crisis he has left me on my own. Without wanting to sound too big headed I am told on a daily basis that I am very beautiful by lots of people friends included, except my husband who never seems to notice. He on the other hand has lost his hair and has put on a lot of weight in his belly as he has stopped looking after himself completely such as ignoring to wash his teeth, shower or to wear clean clothes. I am always the one who initiates things in the bedroom from the beginning as he says he is lazy. Things have gone from bad to worse as he now seems to not want to even go near me as he either falls asleep or says that has a headache. Over the past year I have developed an eating disorder that is making me ill and even initiated an emotional affair with a guy much older than me who is married with children. We had been friends for a long time and he has always flirted with me heavily but I have never returned his advances until a few months ago. As soon as I told him he kissed me and then tried to make love to me to no avail as he could not get hard but kept repeating how beautiful I looked. I felt the worst and as soon as I got home I screamed at my husband for a divorce. I have even contemplated suicide but chickened out at the last minutes just thinking of my children and my poor parents. I am a disgrace of a woman and never thought I would stoop so low. I guess I have a very low self-esteem that is slowly killing me. I wonder does anyone have any comments regarding this horrible mess of a to any suggestions.


I say you need some professional help especially think of suicide and thank GOD you didn't go through with it because the only people that get hurt are your loved ones IE children and parent and your children would think they were the reason even if they weren't so you need to get some real help and fast cause they will help you see that you don't need someone to validate you all you need is to believe in yourself. So go right away and get help.

First, you are not a disgrace! What you are feeling is perfectly normal. Both you and your husband are depressed: You state so, and your husband will not look after his own hygiene.

Both of you need counseling: If you have an affair, you will feel much, much worse. See a Dr now, and have your husband to do the same!

I hope it goes well for you, Dave/

Your husband definitely sounds depressed and I definitely wouldn't be surprised if you are as well. And with an eating disorder as well-- get thee to a therapist. If you aren't going now because of financial difficulties, I can pretty much guarantee that there are low cost or free options in your area. You should call your local social services office or any available local hotline (the numbers will be published either in the front or the back of your phone book)-- these places should be able to point you towards all of the resources available to you locally and probably tell you which will be the best fits. If you are feeling unable or unwilling to seek help (and one side effect of depression is often a certain paralysis when it comes to seeking help) have a friend call for you-- this is not weird, it's actually fairly common and won't phase any of the people on the other end of the line. Planned parenthood is also actually another good place to look into the kind of care you need-- much of what they do is triage work for women in similar positions to you, so they'll know all of the resources available in your area. And if you don't have one already, you need a good general practitioner looking after your health while you deal with your eating disorder.

Thank you all the people whom took time from their lives to answer a lost soul, I guess there are still good people in this world. I think everyone is right depression sneeks up on you when you least expect it. I will deffinitly look in to it. Thank you again hope you are happy with your lives as we only have one.