0 0


Should I let this man go, even though I don't want to?

Published on October 3, 2010 by nez

I have been seeing a married man for a little over 6 years now. He has been married for 33 years. I was married for 37 years when I met him online through a messenger. We talked alot online, finally we both agreed to meet face to face. We met two years before I divorced my husband, my marriage didn't end because of this person, my marriage was over before he and I started talking.When we finally did meet, it was like electricity was in the air. We talked for a bit, but the minute we touched, we were instantly in each other's arms and from that point on we have been seeing each other. Although we cannot see each other daily, because of the distance between us, lately we have managed to see each other once or twice a month. I'm in love with him, he tells me that he loves me as a friend and as a special person in his life. We talk daily on the phone and text each other daily. This talking and texting daily has picked up over the last year or so during our relationship. We have had a few ups and downs, anger, frustration a gambit of emotions between us, but still he always tells me that I am stuck with him forever. I tell him I want him forever in my life in all ways, not just twice or more a month and not just by phone conversations and not just as a friend. I've tried to let him go, but he wont' let me let go. I know I could just stop all communication with him and I've tried but I can't seem to do this, as one or the other of us will contact each other. I am in love with him. I truly thinks he is in love with me, but won't tell me he is and will only tell me that yes he loves me and that he has a special love for me as a friend. There are times when I feel he is just using our friendship, and I've told him this. When I've told him this he gets upset with me and seems very hurt. We have cried together about so many things between us and that has happened within our own families. We talk about everything together. We do have a great friendship. I feel our relationship began as friendship and has become more to me and I think to him. He is a very decent kind hearted man, although I know this sounds ridicuolous to say because he is cheating on his wife with me, but he is just as I said a very kind hearted decent man. Any other married man in a situation as he and I are in, would have told me to kiss his butt a long time ago. I've been a horrible blunt person to him with words. I've threatened to end his world as he knows it at home and so on. He never has once backed away from our friendship/relationship through all of the threats and anger that I've shown him. Always tells me that I am stuck with him forever. My question is and has always been to him why am I in your life? Why do you want me in your life? He always tells me he doesn't have an answer other than our friendship which isn't just sexual. I know that sooner or later we will have to end our relationship but not our friendship. He is 55 and I am 63. His wife is 65. Don't know why I even mentioned age here. I have a friend(male)in my life that is in love with me and we spend alot of time together, every weekend, vacations and so on. He doesn't know about the man I am talking about here. When I retire I know that he will want us to spend every day and night together. We do not live together now. I don't want to retire, because if I do this will be the end of me being able to have daily contact with this man and will end me being able to go see and be with him. I feel as though I am getting so close to being in a corner here with no where to go, simply because where I want to go I can't and not sure that this will ever be an option to me. Please help me with some advice here. I sure would appreciate it.


You need to end this relationship now! This will bring you nothing but heartache and suffering. He is a married man and you and he both need to start respecting that. You said yourself that he says loves you as a close friend so clearly he is just using you. Is this really what you want for yourself? Because I can tell you that God has much better for you and if you trust Him He'll bring you a much better man. Move on with your life and cut ties with this man for good. I guarantee you that in the end you'll be glad you did. I'll be praying for you.

I would let this relationship end too. In fact, I don't think being in a relationship with a married man is such a good idea. When you meet someone that's already in a relationship, married or otherwise, they may appear unhappy and often blames the other person for making the relationship uncomfortable. If you're attracted to this person, you can easily get pulled into a situation that might cause you some heartaches. Right now, he wants some attention from you and keeps you dangling. But if you read between the lines, you'll also see a man that's into chic fights. Even though you may never meet the other woman and have it out, there's always that possibility. Don't waste your time dealing with someone that you have to play tug-of-war with for their attention and seeing once or twice a month. That's just ridiculous and why do you put up with it? Sneaking around might be fun for awhile because you're attracted to him, but not caring how the wife, or girlfriend feels (not matter how old or young that are) while he's cheating is just plain insensitive.

Hi Yvonne,

Wow! You really motivate me. You are an attractive sexually active woman of 63 facing a challenge of which guy to choose. I say, continue to ask your friend for more and continue to see your friend who is in love with you. Enjoy this but do not let the decision making ruin the fun. Your 55 year old guy loves you and loves the excitement of having a chick (you) on the side that scratches a different itch than his wife does – nothing wrong with this but he is probably not going to leave his wife (he feels committed to her just as he does to you). You are in a wonderful situation. I suggest you keep the pressure on him to leave, spend time with the guy who loves you, and simply enjoy the fact that you are the woman in charge who can have any man she wants at 63. You go girl!!

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

Thanks to all that have answered my questions here. There is nothing that anyone of you have said that I've not thought of and talked with him about. With this being said, I can tell you that I want to see him for as long as I can, because I know when I retire our time of seeing each other, talking with each other and any other forms of communication that we have will basically come to an end if I am still seeing my other friend, as I know he will not only want but expect me to always be with him. I don't want to always be with him on a daily basis. There is so many reasons why, in fact too many to even try to put here. There are issues that he and I have had and still have between us, that are again too long to go into detail here. I will say this, I know with all my heart that he does love me but not so much that one of his family members that is living with him will be a thorn between us both. He is very sensitive concerning this family member, so whatever I may feel or think when it comes to this family member is a taboo subject, or I could just say what I think and cause him to be upset enough to not contact me for a couple or a few weeks. This has happened more than one time already. I wish I could go in to great detail here but it would be a long boring story. Thanks again to all that have replied to my comment here.

nah... babe... enjoy the ride.. stop with soo many expectations... let it go... just let it be.... see who u want when they are there... stop analysing and fixing and wanting instant answers .. there is no tomo if there is no today.... enjoy who u have when u can... who knows if thre is a tomo... have is short.. u have these men who love u soo much....think of someone like me who has no man to show for... and thank ur stars for what u have ...