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Should I leave him alone after a "Dear Jane" letter?

Published on August 9, 2010 by dreamon85

I talked to a man for months at great lengths. He said he wanted to start a relationship with me and was very adamant about it. Suddenly, just as I agree to start something, he leaves a "Dear Jane" note that there is a lot going on with his family and doesn't want to get serious with me. I've tried several times to contact him but he won't return any calls or emails. I am confused and disappointed. I think he might have been confused or overwhelmed by things and maybe I seemed too demanding or something. I do believe there are things going on with his family, but what do I do? Try again to contact him or just leave him alone?

ANSWERS

Perhaps you should write him a dear John letter telling him you didn't like his didn't jane letter. Okay seriously, leave him alone. His loss. you can't have an emotional connection with someone who is not available. even if he comes back, who knows he wont hand you another dear jane letter sometime in future??

It is apparent that you are hurt due to dashed hopes; however, he has made it VERY CLEAR 'He's just not that into you." Perhaps you might want to give this book a read.

Why would you make yourself smaller for someone who makes you an option?

Don't settle, don't chase. Be happy with who you are...and if you don't know who you are go find out before expecting a man to make you complete. You will be disappointed. It's not their job to 'complete you'....only complement.

Go on, volunteer with an organization that brings out your passion...the rest will fall in place. I promise.

Been here, done this..don't repeat my mistake.

Unfortuantely....it sounds like he doesn't want to have a relationship with you. And by you contacting him you are just making yourself look desparate to him. Leave him alone and let him go...Move on and find someone that wants to be with you. You will go crazy if you keep hoping that one day he will call you!!

I have been there.. wanting the man i so want to want me back and then getting hurt when that fails to happen.. but what we feel is not love actually in cases like these... because of the simple reason that LOVE has to and usually is both ways.. This is more of getting fixated on a person and yeah... like the others say, we sure dun need men or anyone else for that matter to make us feel that way. I guess even know that!. That said.. i know de-fixating or taking our attention away from something like that is hard to do and takes day after day of self-discipline. But in the long run... you will see that it was all for your own self and good for you! Take care gal... Men like these dun deserve the attention!

I don't know if you met this guy online or not, but I've run the gambit of dating sites and I can tell you there wasn't one man I met online that wanted anything more then head games and sex and most were married and looking for cheap thrills. That includes the biggies like Match and eharmony.

That being said, many men like to play these narcissistic head games. Their intent is to make you want them and they will do whatever it takes at all costs for an ego stroke. Once you show real interest they're done. This guy is probably married and this is just one of the ways he gets off. If he wanted a relationship he would've had one with you not talked about it.

Do not feed his ego anymore than you already have.

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