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should I just forget about him while I'm gone?

Published on June 12, 2010 by violin

I'm about to go study abroad for the rest of the summer. I have a boyfriend of almost 5 years that I'm leaving behind. Everyone is telling me to not think about him and if guys ask me out to go out with them and not to limit myself. I don't know if this is good advice to take, especially since all the people telling me this know very well I've been dating this guy for over 4 years. Not to mention my family constantly asks if I'm still with him/seriously dating him. Here's some background on him: Over the past year and a half our relationship has been suffering since he started battling depression and a "mild marijuana addiction". I used to live with him (I still had my own place, but all of my stuff was at his apartment), but a year ago after him complaining that I was always around, he asked me to move my stuff out and sleep at my place. After I started living on my own again, I've felt more "free" and go out with my friends and roommates a lot more than I ever do with my boyfriend. For a few months now, I've started to feel like he only likes me when I go over to his place and we have sex. And I feel like when I do go over there and we don't have sex, he's mad and suspicious (but i don't know if that's him joking around). He never wants to come to my apartment for various reasons he gives me everytime I invite him. So, basically I'm asking- should I just forget about him while I'm gone?

ANSWERS

If he sufferes from depression and has issues with drugs, even pot is a drug, it might be a good idea to separate from him period. At least until he can get treatment.

If you're feeling like he's only using you for sex, you're probably right. This summer might be exactly what you need to make a break from him.

There is someone out there who is emotionally and physically available for you. Just because you've been with this guy for a while doesn't mean you have to stay with him if he's not treating you right and has these other issues.

I was with someone who had substance abuse issues when I was 19, it doesn't get better. Leaving was the best thing I ever did.

I believe in this situation, your friends are right. Unortunately, it sounds like your boyfriend has another love - marijuana...and also deals with depression - then uses you for sex. (which you mentioned thats what it "feels like". I think you should trust those feelings.)

Taking a break is a great thing. You will be in a new place and, like you mentioned when you moved out of his place, free to enjoy other potential relationships. Take it slowly as you meet new people, really find out about them and their 'stuff' before jumping full on into a relationship. It sounds like you didn;t know about the drugs or depression when you first started seeing your current bf.

Have a great summer studying abroad!! It is a great opportunity for you. Take that in and make it your focus, more than dating relationships . You'll get more out of your time there!! ;)

I would recommend separating from him for this period of time, and even taking advantage of this opportunity to study abroad by figuring out exactly what YOU want. Don't involve yourself with someone who has substance abuse problems.

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