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Should I get back with my ex boyfriend or move on?

Published on August 6, 2014 by juliana25

Hi, we broke up more than a week ago after being together for more than 3 years. Like any other couple , we have our ups and downs. But he decided to end the relationship and told me to go explore other things and date other guys. He told me that he still loves me and I love him too. Even though we broke up on good terms but to be honest I don't understand the reasons and deep inside I sensed our relationship wasn't over. What should I do?

ANSWERS

Perhaps there is something that you are not aware of yet going on. When I hear that he is encouraging you to date other people, it makes me think that maybe HE is the one wanting to date other people- or another Person. I think he was wanting to end things with you on a good note as he cares about and respects you, and didn't want something to end up happening that would affect you negatively. I myself tend to express myself more clearly and thoroughly in letter/email form. Why not do the same? Let him know that you care for him very much but that you are needing closure and that requires some deeper questions for him. You have 3 years together under your belt, and that takes a solid friendship that may appeal to him. Then he has the option to mull his feelings over and get back to you when he's ready. If it's meant to be, it will be.

@Unnaturalthings: Thank you for you kind reply! Maybe you are right, I realized that he has been distancing himself during the last few months when we were together but I just pretend that everything is going to be okay until in the end it hit me. He also told me that I am boring, well not directly to my face but based on what he had said to me like I should go out more, explore and etc. I think I should just stop obsessing with trying to get him back and focus on bettering myself for now because time will tell. When both of us are ready, maybe we can try to be friends again and see how it goes from there. Either way, I really want him to be happy and me myself to be happy too.

In this case what you do should be evaluated from the perspective of whether or not the relationship has taken over the focus on each of your lives. It could be that he needs to have space to live his life and explore what is out there and it seems he is encouraging you to do the same. In this case you would be better listening to his encouragement and explore what is out there for you. One thing to keep in mind; men love in the same fashion women do in so far as the biological and chemical reaction which occurs within us when we fall in love. We experience jealousy and possessiveness in the same ways. Im not talking about unhealthy jealous or possessiveness but rather the sort which makes us cringe at the idea of the person we love being with another. If he is encouraging you to see what is out there and date other men this makes me question whether or not his love for you is still romantic. He may very well still love you from the perspective of history and respect for you the person but a person who is romantically in love with you will not break up with you and encourage you to date other men. The thought alone would drive a man who loved you insane. The fact that he is being honest about wanting to date is a clear sign that he is thinking there could be someone else better for him out there who could offer him more. When it comes to questioning whether or not you should go back to this relationship ask yourself whether you are ok with being chosen because nothing better presented itself?

Best, Laura Brown

http://www.yourtango.com/experts/LauraBrown

You're very welcome. I like your positive attitude and hopefulness for the future. You are absolutely right- take care of yourself and the rest will fall into place. I truly believe that when two people are meant to be together, it will happen. You don't want to feel sorry for yourself or obsess over this guy, wondering what might happen. You've done your part. Take up a hobby or activity that makes you happy and grows you as a person. Spend time with your friends, family, and pets. Keep yourself busy!!! Each day will turn into a week, turns into a month, and so on. Soon you will find yourself less dependant on this outcome. Positive things are on the horizon ;-)

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