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Should I get back with my ex after 10 years?

Published on December 30, 2013 by laurakimchi

My ex and I dated 10 years ago. We were very much in love and even got engaged. I was only 21 and he was 29. We stayed together with his family while waiting for our new home to be ready. A misunderstanding happened that has lead his mom to start a fight with me. His mom has given his the ultimatum to cut me or he'll be cut from the family. Because we're Koreans, we have no choice but to oblige. I was supportive and I understood that he needs to do this as he's the only son. We have been good friends and dated many ppl throughout the years. Most of them fail and deep down inside I was still missing him. There's always a part of me that believes he was the one.

Recently we both got closer and he's bringing me for holidays which we're meeting old friends and family member who knew we were engaged before. He even planned a getaway trip 6mths from now. He didn't initiated that we're getting back together. When we're among friends, we claim we're friends and we act as if. Behind closed doors, we're like a couple. Though we both know we were meant to be, I don't even know what we are now and I wish I could find a way to find out than to be left hanging.

I know he still loves me a lot and he has told me he doesn't know how to love a woman like what he did for me. Hence , the reason to the failures of all his relationship after me. It was the same case with me. When I suggested that we could try things slow on our own then if it goes well, we can be out in the open and announce to his mom. I've met the mom and she seem okay with me. However, my ex told me his only hesitation was her and he doesn't want hurt me again.

When we get together and have a little drink together, he's loving and it was just like old days. He will open up and tell me how he feels. However, he can be cold the next day when he sober up. I'm so confused. I have even gave him the ultimatum that if he continues to treat me this way, I will leave and never see him anymore. I just don't want to be led on. He held me and told me to stay.

How does my ex really feel for me? What can/should I do now?

ANSWERS

I won't pretend I understand Korean culture. The Asian community has a very peculiar attitude regarding relationships. I honestly don't know how to advise you. It seems to me there is a large family influence with your ex and his decision making. He probably has his reasons. The decision he has is either be cut off from his family and be with you or walk away from the relationship. It's a no win situation for you and him. The only thing I can think of is to win his family over via the community and other family members. When one member of a family is being obstinate, the people affected must form a strategy that will make their relationship look good in the community. It has to be subtle like a community outreach or fund raiser that you and your ex would have to be a part of together. This way the more the community sees you together doing good work for the community, they'll root for you to be together. This is all I can think of to do. Either jump in with both feet and take things as they come or walk away. If he is unwilling, you must move forward and let the past stay in the past. Holding on the memory of what was is great. Praying for something unrealistic will only bring you more hurt. Follow your heart and be honest with him and yourself. Good luck.

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