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Should I dump my boyfriend who I feel doesn't care about me as much as I care about him?

Published on July 24, 2009 by redpaperclip

I've been dating this guy for over four months now. We talked, hung out, had occasional sex for seven months before we made it official. I would have made it official the moment I met him but he didn't want a girlfriend and I played along like I really didn't want a boyfriend. While we were "talking" he talked to other girls, even tried to date one but she didn't like him like that so what did this guy do? Go back to me because I was always there, always at his beckon call. It's pathetic really. If I moved a step toward him he moved two steps back. It was that type of deal. But there were a few times he just pissed me off because he put me on the back burner because some cute girl came to work. But the moment I step back he lurches foward and would act like he doesn't want me to leave and he acts like he really likes me. That shit went on for the good first 5 months I knew this guy. Things eventually got better. It got to the point where we were hanging out everyday, sleeping with each other every night, practically being boyfriend and girlfriend. So he asked me to be his girlfriend and of course I sais yes. And things are ok for the most part. I just feel like I'm just in his life because he's afraid of being alone, not because he adores me or loves me. For fuck sake, this guy has never even really paid me a compliment, not ONE! And I'm not a needy person who craves attention. I don' t need someone to tell me I'm beautiful. I would however like the satisfaction to know that my boyfriend thinks I'm pretty. That sounds so stupid but it bothers me. Also, he won't change on his facebook that hes in a relationship either..it still says he is single! I've brought it up before too. I act like it doesn't bother me because I changed my too but it bothers me alot because he talks to girls on there. I feel like hes ashamed that he has a girlfriend or something. And I feel like I do everything for him and he doesn't do that much at all. And I don't feel like he really cares when I do things for him either. But sometimes he does, sometimes he has his good moments but honestly the bad out weigh the good... I'd like to say we're good friends. Omg I need help. There is always something that eats at me with him. I'm always worried about something with this guy yet for some reason, I absolutely love this guy and I don't know why. Maybe its not love though. Seems like I was under this type of pressure with my last boyfriend, I was constantly jealous. Which is the worst feeling in the world. I mean, is it me? Am I overanalyzing the situation too much? I need help.

ANSWERS

To start, pretending to go along with a guy's request to be FWB when he doesn't want a girlfriend but you really want to be with him is almost always a recipe for disaster. I'm not saying there is never a chance for a good relationship to grow out of it, but most of the time it doesn't work out so well, and if you are going along with it just because you want more then more often than not you will just get hurt.

As far as everything before he finally decided to make your relationship "official", he was still working under the rules that you agreed to, so its on you for taking him back everytime he brushed you off.

You made it really easy for him to rely on you being there when he needs you, so of course he is going to get a little freaked when you pull back...you need to be stronger than that.

This relationship sounds pretty lopsided, but you both brought the problems in. I would say that being single right now would be best for you, and that you really need to take that time to figure out why you are seeing a pattern forming in your relationships.

But this isn't love. He hasn't given you any reason to love him, and it sounds like you have a couple dependency issues that keep you in this loop. Constant jealousy can be a sign of some other issues that you will want to deal with. Go be single, enjoy being single, and see if you can go meet with a counselor every now and then to give you some new perspectives on how you approach dating.

gurrrl, u dont need someone who dosnt make you feel like a goddess there is to many other fish in the sea for you to be waistin you time with this one espesially if you are lookin for a life partner be picky higher your expectations.

Awww, honey, don't you know you deserve nothing but the best? It sounds like this guy is passing time with you waiting to see what else is gonna happen. You are too good for that! You sound like a nice person, someone who can be more than just a back-up plan. You have to carry yourself like the Queen you are honey. NEVER EVER SETTLE. I know you like the guy, and everyone wants to be part of a couple, but you need to be part of a HAPPY couple. Don't invest anymore time out of your life into this clown. HE IS NOT WORTHY!! Good luck, and let us know how you make out!

I can relate because my gf treats me that way sometimes. From what you wrote, it sounds like you have a need to be desired. I can relate to that as well. It's not like you need him to tell you anything in particular; but the small, simple gestures make the biggest differences.

Hearing your story made me feel a little better because I thought I was alone.

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