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Should i drop this guy or keep trying?

Published on February 4, 2010 by fitnessgirl

I have been talking to this guy for about 2 1/2 months..we met at work and things were great for the first month.both of us were working seasonal jobs at a mall, so when those ended he stopped trying to see me. We have only seen each other twice in the last month. I am trying to open up to him and be vulnerable, but I am not sure he is really wanting this to work out. Every week it seems we are fighting and wanting to completely end it, but then one of us comes back to the other. We have made several attempts to hang out, but something always seems to get in the way. We fight and get mad and then one of us will text the other saying how much we miss them and will somewhat make up for what was said. I feel like he is not open to me and that may be due to him finalizing his divorce of a 9-year marriage days prior to the first time we hung out. I know he is going through a lot, but he says he does think we have something special, but i don't feel he is wanting to work for it. There is an age difference of 12 years between us, but we have discussed it and it does not bother us. I want to work things out with him which is why i have not given up, but i dont want to continue to work for something that has no hope. he is a fantastic guy and i know we could be great together, i cant get him to give me a yes though as to whether he thinks this will work out. should i drop him or keep trying and give him time>


It's really up to you. I think before you decide you should have a serious talk with him. Ask yourself if you really want to continue the relationship. Then tell him what you enjoy about the relationship and what doesn't seem to be working. Something is contributing to this on and off again pattern. If you both want to work through it you can. Is he not ready to start another relationship yet so soon after his divorce? If this is the case, you should try to be patient. He's clearly going through something. On the other hand if it seems like he just isn't feeling the relationship, nothing seems to get better and you fight more often then not, take it as a sign that this isn't the guy for you.

Dear Fitnessgirl, After reading your question I can advise you that this man is not ready yet. He seems to be seeking your companionship only and not a relationship. This may be due to the effects of his long-term marriage failure or he is just not ready yet. Men have a funny way of expressing themselves. Thanks to their barbaric genes they tend to hate to disclose when they have failed. Trust me, when a guy is into you he will do ANYTHING to spend time with you. If you can accept the fact that he is Mr. Right Now and not Mr. Right then by all means enjoy your time with him and avoid feeling these high expectations. You never know he may change his mind down the road, but how long are you willing to wait?

It sounds like he is in this relationship when it is convenient and out of it when it is inconvenient. You both are in a destructive pattern. It will not get better. The longer you try to wait it out the worse the pattern will get.

Dear, move on... he isn't ready for a relationship and won't be for a very long time. Honestly, I think you have little chance of making it work, because he just got out of a divorce. He needs to get over that, before he can move on to a real relationship.