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Give Advice: Should I Be Worried About My Guy's Female Friend?

Published on January 4, 2012 by ashcake22

My boyfriend of almost 7 months has a female friend that he claims is like a sister to him, but they way that they communicate, he talks more to her than his own family. She will call or text really late at night and sometimes the entire time I am with him. I live in New York for school and he lives in my home state and I wouldn't mind the texting so much if we didn't live in different states and got to see each other more often. Sometimes the texting and calling interrupts our time set aside as a couple to communicate with each other. It also worries me that he constantly calls her things like "sweetie" and "love" and they are constantly telling each other that they love each other. I have talked to him about it before, but nothing seems to change. Should I be worried or am I just over reacting?

ANSWERS

It's interesting that we second guess our gut? I am not sure if you should be worried for the reasons you may think, but the fact that this friend intrudes on your time with your boyfriend is an issue and reason for concern. You say you've discussed this with him and he continues to allow communications with her to interupt your time with him. The issue is that he isn't listening to your concerns and expressions of discomfort. Sounds like he's even ignoring you. You should never settle for crumbs when you are deserving of the whole cookie! Obviously, there is other information necessary to understand this dilemma: How old are you and he? In the sevon months you've been together, how much of that time has been spent apart? When something in a relationship doesn't feel right and continues the issue alone may not be the issue???

Very true! Good points. I do feel kind of ignored when nothing changes when I express my concerns, but I just figured he was handling it a different way. He is 28 and I am 23. Out of the 7 months, we have been apart for about 5 with a visit maybe every other month.

You should be worried. The most worriesome is the fact that she is more important to him than you are. As Ms. Serber stated, you are settling for crumbs. You should not allow any current of future boyfriend to treat you anything less than a unique, special woman unlike any other. He clearly isn't doing that and what is especially worrisome is that he hasn't changed since you have talked with him. Let him go and relish in his "sister" all he wants, but without you.

Whether you should or not, you are worried!

How about a conversation, sharing your fears and being a demand for a real exchange on this where both of your feelings are honored and at the end, both parties are satisfied, even if you decide to break up.

It's ok, you can pass up on this, but something just like this will likely come up again and if you can be the person to create a courageous conversation, where you are heard and understood and your partner gets the same thing and then choices are made as adults, it'll serve you the rest of your life, no matter how it turns out.

I think that we cannot assume that the boyfriend is underacting, since we don't know how and what was said to him in regards to her concerns.
What we do know is that he seems to answer the calls and texts...and the 7 months consists of a summer and a handful of dates.

I have a theory.

Ashcake, Did he meet her before or after puberty? Says alot.

:)

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