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should i be punished??

Published on March 29, 2014 by gunda

26 year female from India. have had a steady bf with whom i was physical n after that i had few guy friends with whom i was physical once o twice!!! but there was no emotional feelings attached!! i got married at the age of 23 n to the guy i was about to get married i said everything.. he had several girlfriends before he met me n claims he did make out with a few but never had sex!! then he married me.. since i met my husband i m totally loyal to him n not being in touch wid any guy from my past neither am i friends with anybody new. i m an m.tech graduate but i don't work cos my husband doesn't trust me... v live wid his parents, an unmarried bro n a married sister with a 2 year old daughter. i ve been taking care of her baby like a nanny n also doing all the household chores without nagging. his parents n his sister do taunt n tease me still i don't say a word. i'm not allowed to talk or meet my parents. N for everything he reasons, since my past is bad n in spite of knowing everything he married me, so i should surrender to him. well, i was surrendered to him n last month i came home after taking permission from his parents n him for 2 days but i was a day late getting back to my husband's place. so, his dad n him scolded me badly n not taking me back... several things have happened to me in my husband's place which i'm not able to note down here. what should i do??? i ve all the intentions of killing myself for everything i did... my husband say god s punishing me in my husband's form.please help!!!

ANSWERS

Dear gunda,

If you are considering suicide, contact 911 immediately!!

No man is worth killing yourself over and God isn't punishing you, your husband and his family are.

First of all, there are likely a lot of cultural considerations at work here with the way men in Indian culture treat family and marriages.

This is a very complicated situation and not one to give a quick answer to as there are so many variables. You must decide if you're willing to be in this situation forever. You may try to seek out a therapist who is familiar with your cultural values and practices also.

It really sucks that you aren't allowed to see your family. Are you and he from the same culture and religion? how do you and your culture/religion/family view divorce? It sounds like you are in an emotionally abusive relationship/environment and it's only going to continue, not get better. Abuse comes in many forms including emotional and verbal.

You do not deserve to be punished for your past mistakes. History is not destiny. I fear for you for how long you can take this situation before you break. Please seek help in any way that you can. It is not a good situation to be in but I understand with cultural context, there are a lot of complications and he is your husband after all.

Just ultimately know that in America at least, you do not have to stay in a relationship that is abusive, and shouldn't stay if it is abusive. There are people and resources to help you. What does your family say about all this? Can you find refuge with them?

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