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Give Advice: My Fiance Is Hiding Debt, Should I Call It Off?

Published on August 23, 2011 by italiagina

My BF and I dated for three months and he asked me to marry him. I was swept off my feet but still felt certain I was clearly doing the right thing by saying yes. Less than three months later, just before the holidays began he reveales he is in great debt. Not just a car loan or mortgage but hundreds of thousands of dollars in unsecured debt. Credit cards, retirement loans and a personal loan to his mother. Incidentally he is very stressed out and it was showing in his behavior. He was distant, easily irritated and we would get into disagreements about my relationship with money and the lifestyle I was supporting on my income. ( I make a very good living and can afford the things I choose.) Five more months go by and I find there is another 50K to add to the total now reaching 350K in all. Do I question his integrity and character for not telling me before asking me to marry him? Or at least within a week or two of the proposal? Do I question his integrity for not disclosing ALL the details when he did finally tell me his financial situation? Should I be concerned how he veiws me contributing to the solution of his financial issues?

ANSWERS

Men like deal their problem alone and leave their spouse at bay because they think they solve any problem and things will fine but the actual fact they don't. What women should do is to support them emotionally. Ask this same question to yourself visa versa where you are the one in this financial situation, will he help you you? If yes, he means good.

Hi Italiagina, I commend you for being smart and brave enough to ask this question so openly. Other women will benefit from this. A big, resounding YES to all of your questions. EVERYTHING that has to do with a person's right to choose should be disclosed BEFORE serious involvement. He, like most people in his situation, may be embarrassed, but it doesn't give him the right to take away your FREEDOM TO CHOOSE. Not disclosing things like financial debt, STDs and if one has children is a huge sign of lack of integrity. He may be a "great guy", but lacks integrity and has no respect for you. Most couples argue and split up over financial stress. You two are barely engaged and it's already coming between you. Please think long and hard about whether this relationship is in your best interest. I wish you all the best!

I cant disagree with the expert, but in my honest opinion, he is a gold digger. (Kind of suspicious that he would propose so quickly.) He knew that you were financially well off and now he wants you to pay for his debt. My guess is once that was done, he'd divorce you and take you for as much as he could. My suggestion to you, have him take care of his finances (i.e. file bankruptsy, pay off, ect.. ) before you marry him. And for gosh sakes, DO NOT pay for his debt that he brought with him.

OMG! Three months is a spit in the wind to know someone before getting married. You WERE swept off your feet. How are you feeling now? Still swept? Maybe don't get excited about a wedding and think about being practical. A marriage is meant for life. At least that's what I thought. If you marry him, you could end up being responsible for the debt. I'll bet you've only heard half the story. What if you have kids and he is in deep dreaded debt?. Can love overcome this? I'm not talking about him being poor. That's one thing. But, it is the unreliable aspect of his nature which is important for a woman who wants to have children someday. You may be broke if you sign a contract with him. Also, Rhonda is right that one of the top three reasons for divorce is over money. Having none can cause a whole lot of stress.

This is very disconcerting. He's got a horrible money management problem! Does he gamble? Or does he have some kind of addiction problem or moronic investment scheme he fell into? Yes, I think this is telling about his integrity and his character, particularly that he has started critiquing YOUR money management skills when he's the one buried in debt. Sorry but I think this guy is marrying you for your money and you are going to end up taking on his debt and you'll be ruined by his bad credit once you marry him. If you're in a community property state, once you marry him he'll be able to snag half your assets too. Break off the engagement and tell him he needs to get his financial problems solved. I bet he'll disappear and go find another woman with money to romance. That tells you something....

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