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Sex or Love... Love or Sex....

Published on October 29, 2013 by cottoncandy7411

I seem to always end up in an off predicament... either the sex is fantastic but the relationship is not healthy or the relationship is healthy but the sex SUCKS. Is it possible to have both? Does anyone else ever have this issue?


Yes, tons of people have both. The problem is how you go about getting it. Terrible sex is something that can be changed through discussion, kama sutra books, experimenting with different positions, or seeing a sex therapist.

Relationships on the other hand are difficult to shift. How long are you dating your partners before becoming sexually active? The problem is that many of us tend to let great sex blur the picture on a bad relationship. I once stayed in a horribly toxic relationship all because of great sex. By the time I got out, I was so emotionally damaged and it took some therapy and several months to repair.

My advise would be to take the time to really date someone and not sleep with them. It's not true that dating without sex will put you into the "just friends" zone after a few weeks. Don't let great sex cloud the picture. Get a good, thorough and accurate look at the picture first by dating for awhile and not sleeping together. If he's in it for real, you'll find out very quickly. Or you'll be able to weed out someone who was never in it before you get too attached. Find the great relationship first, then the sex will follow.

If you find a great relationship, work on the sex. There are plenty of ways to improve your sex life, which in and of itself is very enjoyable to both partners.

-YourTango Expert