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Selfishness

Published on December 11, 2013 by tjh1378

My girlfriend broke up with me because she says we are too different. She says that i am selfish and dont contribute money to her but I have agreed to give her money and have paid some of her bill but did not tell her. Is she overreating

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When I hear your question, it makes me think of other situations. Here are some questions that I would suggest you and others in similar situations think about:

  • What are the differences that you have with your girlfriend?
    • Do these differences strengthen or weaken your relationship?
    • Do these differences cause conflict or are they ones that you and she enjoy?
    • Are the differences all about small things or are you different when it comes to the big questions (family goals, saving/spending, etc)?
    • Is being too different really the source of your problem or is it the easy thing to point to?
  • Is selfishness really about money?

    • What sort of understanding do you have?
    • What reason would you be giving her money? Do you have common household expenses? A child together?
    • How are you "selfish" in other ways? Do you have a lot of things that have to be done your way? Is emotional sharing one way in the relationship?
    • Especially if you live together, how do you share financially, with chores, etc?
  • What is the communication like between the two of you?

    • If you do things without telling her, how do you expect her to know?
    • How well can the two of you talk through things as they come up, especially if they are conflicted?
    • What is the emotional tone in the conversations that you have?
    • How well do you really listen to what she is saying? By this, think about how your message is heard and how much of what she says you really hear.

If you think through these questions, you will be better equipped to judge if she is overreacting. If in going through these questions, you decide the relationship could work, you may feel that you need help to do this. If so, you should consider finding a licensed marriage and family therapist (such as myself) in your community to help you. It is possible to have peace and wholeness in your relationships but to do so you need an understanding both of why you are in the relationship as well as tools to help you manage that relationship.

WOW She was only your girlfriend at that time and what I don't believe is that she thinks and feels that because she is your girlfriend that you have to contribute money to her hell what did she do before she meet you. I think one of the thing that i love most about my now wife is that she didn't expect anything or money from me because she was and is a self sufficient women. And honestly think about it what kind of women breaks up with you because you wont give her money to pay her bills hell there her bills who paid them before you.

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