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Give Advice: My Husband Ruined My Chance To Have Children

Published on January 7, 2012 by lovelychick

12 yrs ago I lost my husband to colon cancer. We were married 18 yrs. He was only 43. Our daughters were 11 15. Never thought i would love again. Then I met a man I could not live without. His son was1.5 yrs. His ex girlfriend walked out on them when his son was 1 yr old. She is still iresponsible. I fell deeper in love and realized I could not imagine life without a child of OUR OWN! I was in my mid 40s, very healthy and active and able to still conceive! But, my husband was not ready to have another child since his ex walked out when his child was so young. I understood but, it devastated me. I never wanted a child so badly! And I knew I only had a small window that I could still conceive! Well, 2 yrs ! later the window shut and I was menopausel ! It tore me up inside! He got what he wanted but, it was NOT what I wanted!! I am angry, hurt, resentful and do not know how to deal with the pain I have almost everyday! Its almost like another lose! It angers me that his ex girlfriend is the only one to have his child and I dont know how to deal with that either! I am very sad, cry and have a huge whole in my heart! Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you-lovelychick


For one thing, it's unfair for you to feel anger toward your husband. It's not like at first he told you he was willing to have another child, and then he changed his mind. He has a right to not want other children. If having another child with a man was your goal, then you would've had to meet a man who wanted the same thing, but with your ticking biological clock, this would've ended up being impossible anyway.

Your husband will be your husband for a lifetime if you treat him well. If you continue to feel resentful toward him, you may end up ruining your relationship. It sounds like your wanting another child with him was more about some weird competition with his ex. You need to attend counseling for the good of you and your spouse.

Why are you angry with anyone? It's very hard to raise a child and very expensive. I can understand your desire for a child, but be realistic and consider all options. Having children alone is hard for any parent, as your partner has demonstrated, he's alone with his daughter. My advice to you is this, don't let your emotions allow you to make a hasty decision. All women go through menopause, it's nature. Is there any reason you didn't have kids earlier in your first marriage?

WOW!!!! As a guy I can only tell you that I would be extremely disappointed that you wouldn't be content and happy having me in your life. Yes children are a blessing but the love between a man and a woman is a special gift that you should embrace and put the issue of having a child behind you. Be grateful for your two daughters and the love of a good man. Many women have neither.

You do have the opportunity to have a child with him. Love his son as your own. His biological mother is in no position, nor wants, to have the distinction of being known as his mom. Love him and imprint on him, and this child will love you as if you were his biological mother. There is nothing more loving then to accept your lovers child as if he was your own born.