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Repost: HELP! Need Answers! Should I date him?
I have a bit of a dilemma.. I apologize IN ADVANCE for the lengthy post lol.. I tend to give men the benefit of the doubt when I deal with them because I like to rely more so on the connection that we have and his personal characteristics to determine if he is a good match for me.. I am very aware that material things aren't everything but hear me out...
I met a guy about six months ago.. we're "long distance" while i finish up school.. he is an extremely intelligent, funny, interesting, generous, attentive guy. We have a great connection and we can talk about a lot of things. He's a few years older than me, he has a child (that lives with him), and he works full time. Although I'm not a materialistic person, I do like stability. And when people don't have certain things it makes me question their stability a little bit. The first time I spent the night over his house, we were relaxing on the sofa watching TV and talking. His friends come over unexpectedly, sit on the other couch, and just chit chats and watches TV with us (kinda intruding on our moment lol). It was awkward so I hinted that maybe we can move to the bedroom. He's a little apprehensive so I'm confused. What's the big deal?.... So he explains that he let his son have a majority of the room so a lot of his son's stuff is in there... Ok.. I guess.... No big deal.. So we go in and there's no bed. Just a few storage bins, toys, and an air mattress. No he didn't just move in. He's been there for a while. I'm immediately uncomfortable but I don't say anything. The whole time my mind is racing like "soooo where do the both of them sleep? why isn't there a bed in here? do they share the air mattress?".. It just really bothered me for some reason. I could tell that he was really embarrassed about it and later he offered up an excuse about how he has a bed but its in storage because its king size and it doesnt fit well in the room and plus his son prefers to sleep on an air mattress because its more comfortable for him. Ok. So I suppress how uncomfortable I am with that (because its really not MY business) and I continue talking to him.
I can't deny the connection we have and the fact that I genuinely like HIM. But I'm starting to question myself just a tad. A mental connection is a powerful thing but it has the potential to make you overlook some very important shit that really may NOT be ok. And I think thats what I've done. No, the bed situation isn't all. I don't think he has a car either. Being that we're far away from each other and I rarely go to my hometown b/c of school and work, we don't see each other often. I've only hung out with him 4 times out of these six months. When I went to his house one day, I parked next to a car and he casually said "thats funny, you happened to park next to my car". I looked at the car, didn't think anything of it, and went inside. The next time we hung out, I noticed the car wasn't there and then his roommate pulls up in the car that i thought was his and goes in the house. Real casual. Like it was HIS car. The time after that, we went out and he drove a completely different car. All of this stuck in my head over these few months. He mentions driving here and there, running errands, doing this and that, blah blah blah when we talk so I think very little of it. Recently I inquired about how long his commute is to work b/c I noticed that he doesn't call me sometimes until about an hour and a half after he gets off work. He said about an hour. I was surprised that it took so long so I asked him why. He said sometimes he takes the bus. Considering where he lives, I am very sure that the bus is NOT a more convenient or preferred method of travel for anyone in that area. Especially not when its a 20 minute drive as opposed to an hour long commute on the bus. Idk, something is off.
I say that to say this...... I like this guy. We're still in the beginning phases but I cannot sit here any longer and pretend that I'm ok with this. It may seem shallow but I'm not comfortable dating a man without a car. I feel silly for not being able to just be direct with him and say "hey whats up with your transportation situation" because it is an awkward ass conversation and i KNOW that things are going to be a little weird for me if/when he confirms that he is car-less. I understand that "shit happens" and any number of things can happen that can jeopardize your vehicle but I really don't feel like there was an accident or a repair issue (seeing that his license has been suspended for over a year.... just found that out)... Tell me guys, honestly, are these legitimate concerns or am I being shallow? I have no issue scaling things back with him a little bit until I figure things out. Be honest. What do you think?