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Give Advice: My Husband Can't Stop Cheating On Me

Published on March 26, 2012 by xrzanicole

Im a 24-year-old stay-at-home mom to four kids under four. My husband (32) has had several girlfriends and extramarital affairs throughout our marriage. He says I'm the love of his life, but that he can't help himself from having sex with other people. Our sex life is great and he's my best friend. Is there anything I can do to save our marriage, or should I leave before I get hurt for the eighth year in a row?

ANSWERS

Well he has stated that he can't help himself. There is no "saving" in this case. He wants to do it. If you want to look the other way so that you can keep your family together...more power to you, but if you want to be with someone that is devoted to you, you will have to make a plan and move on. Personally, I would leave but I understand that every situation is different and you may not be able to up and leave right now. I hope that you build the strength to do it if you choose that path.

I am so sorry to hear about your marriage. You have a big decision to make. And honestly, you are the only one who can make it. If he is not willing to stop having extramarital affairs, I am not sure things will really change. The question you have to ask yourself is, "Can you live with his indiscretions?" If he is hurting you, is he really acting like your "best friend?"

What would I do? Get a divorce and get child support and alimony if possible. I would only be with someone worthy of me, because I have self love and self respect. It doesn't matter how great he is in many ways. Cheating trumps it all. He could be bringing home STD's to you. He could bring craziness to your life. Have you ever seen the movie "Fatal Attraction" or seen the numerous 48 hours mysteries and Snapped shows. Women who have sex with your husband may want more, be sick in the head, and bring tragedy to the family. It's happened to other people, so it's not a fairy tale. Don't settle for a sick life like this. Your one precious life on this planet is worthy of something so much better. Good luck.

I used to say, "Get a divorce," but now I would say, "Are you able to live with dignity despite this?" In other words some wives in Europe put up with affairs all the time as long as the spouse is discreet and they have a air-tight financial safety net. That's the trade off. Some wealthy women just accept it because they know "it's just sex" and he doesn't flaunt his bad behavior publicly. They see it as a respect issue rather than a morality issue. (I know that's really crazy-making.) But is that you? (I wouldn't put up with it, but I understand those who do.)

The other problem is sexually transmitted diseases. Is he being cautious?

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