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Relationship or Career

Published on April 24, 2014 by middleofnowhere

I have a career opportunity in a new city. My significant other who has moved into the apartment is unable to tolerate the city due to health issues. I love the city and what it has to offer for work and leisure. We are both very unsatisfied with current profession and living surroundings. Might you have any advice?


Dear Middleofnowhere,

I think you answered your own question when you advised that you "are both very unsatisfied with current profession and living surroundings". If that doesn't say it all, I don't know what does. If you want to have both career and relationship with this guy, then you need to find a place to live where you can have both. Bottom line. If that's not possible, you must figure out which you're willing to give up? Maybe living outside of the city so you can keep your job and have the guy? Sometimes having everything means making small concessions.

The decision is yours. Find a happy medium.

Dear Middleofnowhere -

If a healthy love relationship is the most important thing to you & you love this man you are with (& he feels the same), then there is definitely room for compromise. A longer commute for you into the city so that you both may live outside the city for his health, but close enough for the things you love as well. As an example, I have a client couple that lives in the suburbs although she is a "country gal" & he is a city boy. It's not absolutely perfect for either one of them, but their relationship is healthy and happy.

Another compromise could decide that the 2 of you live in the city for your career a set amount of time & then re-evaluate your boyfriend's health & your career. Who knows? In 2-5 years time, you could be promoted, transferred, taking another job or starting your own company which brings you back to making this decision again.

So, talk honesty, openly, and without defensiveness about these decisions with love for each other as the priority in the conversation. A compromise might be able to be reached that makes everyone feel OK about the decision. Good luck!

Kim Openo, LAPC NCC A Place for Me Counseling Atlanta, GA 30307

Dear Middleofnowhere,

There are two issues here:
1.How much do you care about your boyfriend, and 2 What is best for you.

  1. You mentioned that the city is causing him health problems. If you love someone - THAT'S HUGE! Do you really want your boyfriend to physically suffer on your behalf? If you truly love him, the very idea of him suffering would weigh heavily on you as well. Is it? Because if that's not a deterrent, perhaps you should question your real feelings.

  2. When you close your eyes and picture your life in five years, what do you see? Do you see yourself with a man you love? Is the man your current boyfriend? OR do you see yourself on top of the world through numerous promotions and smart career choices?

Some people don't have to compromise. It sounds like you do. So think carefully. Perhaps the best solution is #3 - find another opportunity and keep the man!

Marina Margulis, CMM, CPC, New York Socials,