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Reasons why men Divorce women?

Published on November 9, 2013 by alexbergman

I'm 35 and going through a messy divorce. I ended my 10 year marriage because my soon to be ex only wanted me around to "watch our 2 year old daughter grow up with two parents." Long story short, our marriage became one of convinence and I refused to live like that for the next 10-20 years. In essence, my wife stopped loving me, so I decided to end it. I have been reading that many women initiate divorce (66-90%). What about men and their reasons? Granted I was faithful to my wife to the day I filed and I am presently fighting for joint custody of our daughter.

For those guys who are in marriages where the wife is emotionally and mentally abusive, how many men file for divorce and their reasons for filing?

ANSWERS

While I may not be a man, I have experienced divorce and I am sorry to hear about your divorce and that you found yourself in a loveless situation.

I think the reason why many men don't report emotional, mental or even physical abuse by a spouse is because they don't feel many would believe them, or that the man somehow instigated it and provoked their wives. Some men believe that other men would laugh at them or call them a sissy, or that a judge or lawyer might believe a woman who twists the truth to say she was bullied and lashed out of fear or anger. Many men feel it's a lose lose situation because society still doesn't believe women are like that, even though some are. Whether or not a woman was provoked doesn't give her the right to treat her husband that way. I know you're looking for men in similar shoes and I hope you find them. It's good to have a good support group. It sounds like you ultimately did what was right for you. You are giving yourself a second chance to find a healthy relationship.

Best of luck!

-YourTango Expert

Hi Alex,

While it can be helpful to know that you're not alone in your circumstances, (and trust me, you are not!), I don't think it matters, really, what other men go through.

What really matters is how are YOU moving forward and how will YOU be able to keep your heart open to love, while not repeating the same experience in future relationships.

In working with people going through similar situations as you, I can confirm the common experience is: we attract where we are at.

This is NOT to blame you. It's not to make you responsible for your wife's actions - not in the least. But, energetically we draw people to us for reasons. Do you want to know what is ready to be healed in you, so you can have better relationships in the future?

That may not be the answer you want to hear, but it's the courageous one to take some time with!

Warmly, Leila www.reclaimyourselfafterdivorce.com

Dear Leila,

Although you bring up some interesting points, I think YOU make some assumptions that belittle the dignity of men who make the decision to end a bad marriage. There is a lot written about men who verbally or physically abuse their women while not much is written on women who verbally or physically abuse their men. In my opinion, passive aggressive women are the most destructive to a man and the least recognized. Therefore, I disagree with you. I do think knowing why men divorce their wives matters because it could shed some light as to how women cause their marriages to fall apart. I find your remarks a little disrespectful.

I do appreciate the feedback, but please choose your words carefully and how you use them.

33 Male filed for divorce recently. Point was made about not reporting mental abuse because people wouldn't believe it. This was exactly my situation. In fact I didn't realize it until I ended the relationship and went to counseling. I don't think some people now would even believe it. My ex has her family fooled and even talks negatively about them.

I filed because I finally woke up and realized I wanted to be more than just a check book and a sperm donor- that and our sex life was down to once a month and my ex wife forgot she had a husband when we had our one and only child 3 years ago.

I have a ton of resentment. 1. My judgment I should have seen the loveless relationship I entered 2. I waited 4.5 years. 3. I didn't confront her sooner and confront her family who enables her ridiculous behavior

I filed 4 months ago and I'm ready to date because I feel like I mentally checked out 2-3 years ago.

33 Male filed for divorce recently. Point was made about not reporting mental abuse because people wouldn't believe it. This was exactly my situation. In fact I didn't realize it until I ended the relationship and went to counseling. I don't think some people now would even believe it. My ex has her family fooled and even talks negatively about them.

I filed because I finally woke up and realized I wanted to be more than just a check book and a sperm donor- that and our sex life was down to once a month and my ex wife forgot she had a husband when we had our one and only child 3 years ago.

I have a ton of resentment. 1. My judgment I should have seen the loveless relationship I entered 2. I waited 4.5 years. 3. I didn't confront her sooner and confront her family who enables her ridiculous behavior

I filed 4 months ago and I'm ready to date because I feel like I mentally checked out 2-3 years ago.

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