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Problems with the new fiance/father of my child.

Published on May 25, 2013 by ashleyaallen

My name is Ashley, I am currently 19 years old and I have been engaged to my fiance for about 3 months. We dated for 6 months before this. We found out 6 months ago that I was pregnant, and our lives took a huge turn. We were not engaged at the time, but he proposed to me shortly after. He has ensured me that he did not propose just because of the baby, that it's because he wants to spend his life with me as well. I moved in with him shortly after we found out I was pregnant, and we have very little space. His grandfather also lives with us due to his health. My fiance works everyday atleast 8 hours a day, but the hours differ. Before I moved in he was used to going fishing and playing football and basketball and videogames with the guys all the time. We've had arguements because I do not like his friends being here every night. They come over around 5:00 and stay until 10:00 or midnight and it drives me crazy. He's a very quiet and closed up person so he hates conflict which is why he won't ask him friends to leave or to not come over as much. We also have been aruging recently because I feel as if he doesn't spend enough time with me. We didn't have too much time to date before this pregnancy, so I missed out on that part of the relationship. I also do not work and am currently on summer break for college so I am home everyday. I garden and go walking when I can but I can't afford gas mustless going out with my friends, so it leaves me stuck at home. When he comes home I know that he needs down time from working since he's taken care of himself his entire life. He's been through a lot of stuff that makes me understand why he crawls into a ball and doesn't tell me how he feels. Sometimes we will argue at night once his friends have left because I tell him how I feel about him not spending time with me, and in return he will roll over and go to sleep or just lay there and not say anything. He says he doesn't know what to say, so i'm not sure if it's due to the fact that he truly doesn't know what to say or that he just doesn't want to open up to me. I know a lot about his past but I had to find it out from his family, not from him. That in turn makes me not feel like he can talk to me about stuff and hurts pretty badly. He admitted to not wanting to give up the stuff he loves yet, but I explained to him that i'm not asking him to give anything up, that i've given everything up already because I had to, but that I need him to support me. He never gives me back massages and I cook and clean after him and sometimes I just don't feel appreciated. I'm messaging you because I don't know what to do. I know he loves me without a doubt but how do I get him to open up? How do I stop feeling so clingy when I know I need more being pregnant. I want to be happy again and it seems like the only time I can be happy is when he spends a little time with me and then we spend time in the bedroom, it's the only way that I truly feel wanted, is that moment.


Unplanned and unexpected pregnancies are no joke. Women know they are giving up their choice and freedom when they stop taking birth control, or better yet if you live in a rural place and never had birth control to begin with it hard to practiced safe sex. My first concern is for you to stop the complaining and whining so much. you got to toughen up and accept that women mature must faster then men so at 16 you knew what babies are right? This guy wanted to do right by you and his baby so he moved you in but now your acting like the He wasn't prepared for a baby so why should he allow you to manage his life if he was doing well before you came into the picture. Obviously he is a family oriented man if his grandfather is there too, so I think you need to stop acting so immature. Set your focus on getting hobbies,friends, and a social life. Rent has to be paid and even if your feeling stuck that is internal. You should be concerned with keeping a journal and writing how you feel NOW so you can make sure to appropriate the right ENERGY to methods of birth control so you wont repeat this. when he doesn't speak i assume he is trying to tell you that he has no views and the stuff you are prying about to get him to share he doesn't feel comfortable because your prying and prodding him. That's his past, not yours and your not invited if he doesn't allow you in so I would just stop. If you are so unhappy you can go to a shelter and see if you can find everything suitable for your taste there; I doubt I think your being selfish because everyone needs down time when they get home and you not having a life makes everything seem like its all about you. He hears you but he is basically being quiet long enough for you to provide other alternative solutions if you are so unhappy.You don't need to feel appreciated for cooking and cleaning if you are not providing half of the financial support.I think you can find a church,bible studies and learn to practice being thankful and grateful because YOU gave your power away when you decided to have sex unprotected. Men can't be responsible for making you feel secure and useful, that come from the inside. you can't get him to open up when your already judging him and acting like an old nag and Let him share when he feels like it, but you definitely need to get a life because your all in his business and its offensive. Get you some good books from a local library and plan to be CONTENT and when he see you are content then he will find his way to you to share, not when your breathing down his back. Just be Content! Stop complaining- the world is much colder then where you are at ,trust me