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Problems with bf's ex

Published on November 6, 2010 by smalltwngirl

My bf and I have been together for two years. From the beginning he seemed to have a wall up to keep me from getting too close. He said the he was an independent person and did not want to be tied to someone in an exclusive relationship, plus, he last relationship ended badly. Over 6 months, he opened up to me and told me he loved me and wanted to be with me. However, every couple of months, either the ex girlfriend contacts him or vice versa. About 7 months ago, he decided maybe we should take a break so that he could see if he could make it work with the ex. He claims that they have some special connection. He spent the weekend together and he came back apologizing like crazy saying that I am what he want and that she is not. He still chats with her. I have no problem with him having friends, just feel that he may be keeping her on the hook in cause our relationship ends. Should I continue to give all in this relationship when it seems he is not sure if he really wants to be with me long term. Can't stand the waffling. Please help


You intuitively know the answer to your question . . . You are using the key word, "waffling" and you are describing a recurrent situation.

You deserve a partnership in which you are totally adored for exactly who you are.

Stop waiting "just in case it works out some day." We are all mirrors for each other. You see that he is keeping both you and his ex on hold. Don't let this reflect your own waffling about loving yourself enough to say, "No thank you. This isn't working for me." This would be an unwillingness to leave what isn't working.

Sure, it's tough to leave, but the longer you stay in a relationship that isn't working, the more you'll feel resentment or anger at yourself later.

Walk away now with gratitude for what you've learned, feel your pain and get back in the dating game when the time is right . . . with more self-love. Again, you deserve that!

With my best,

Doris Doris Helge, Ph.D.