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Performance anxiety or another issue?
My boyfriend and i have been living together for 3 months now, we had a long distance courtship by writing emails to each other over the summer for 2 months. We fell in love and we still are very much so, apart from the lack of sex, he is everything i ever wanted in a man and as a potential future husband. Now here comes the hard part. After being with him almost 2 months, he finally told me that the reason he couldn't get an erection was due to his having performance anxiety. So i told him we would take it one day at a time. I don't expect to do the deed every night, so far, we did try a ring and that seems to help maintain his erection long enough for us to have intercourse. The problem is, he never ever initiates it. So i'm now starting to feel as if i'm sexually undesireable to him. I've gently and kindly told him many times we don't have to try every night, that's not what i expect, however, neither do i expect everynight to be the same. I have to initiate any sexual acitivity all the time. When i don't, he's never bothered by it. He sees my tears and he sees the pain it causes me, i finally broke down crying tonight telling him that just once i would love him to initiate the intimacy with us. he exploded on me saying he can't just get an "erection instantly" and i cried harder because i had repeatedly told him that's not what i wanted, all i wanted is just for once since we met, after him proclaiming he had a crush on me for about one year, that he would take me in his arms and start making out slowly, letting the night take care of itself. So far nothing. I have had it, this has taken an unbelievable toll on my self-confidance, my self-esteem and now i'm going through depression because of it. Like i said, we get along great, but it's no longer enough, i firmly believe that making love further bonds a relationship. It's not the most important, but it is an important factor in any successful relationship. He has refused any medication or therapy, before he met me he didn't date for 10 years( he is 40 yrs. old btw), and stayed alone,,i'm thinking that there is way more to this picture than what he's letting on. Someone please help me because i feel so disillusioned and heartbroken/rejected.