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Partner Insensitivity

Published on October 6, 2012 by mknight

My Significant Other & I have been together almost 3yrs. now, I have had some extremely traumatic/Abusive relationships {from childhood until 3yrs. ago}, he hasn't! I do ALL I can within reason to let him know that he is Special/Respected/A Part of My Family & Life/That I wil stand with or if need be for him, in return he will put anyone ahead of me, he does NOT consider MY feelings, he doesn't try to understand that after 41yrs. of being hurt/used/abused/shown that any& everyone else was more important & valuable than me, that I will NOT entertain certain actions, words, reactions! Am I just being Stupid to expect him to at least try to empathize with me the same way i do for him when needed? I'm NOT going to lower my newly built & necessary standards, but i also don't want to be guilty of comparing him to others from my past, {He is REALLY nothing like them!!!!!}!!!!! How do I stop second guessing myself? How do I Trust again? How do I get to the point that i can say that I know what it feels Like to REALLY/HONESTLY/TRULY be Loved by someone?

ANSWERS

For people who have experienced trauma and abuse in the past, things can get confusing in the present. Emotions can arise that don't necessarily match (or don't match in intensity) what is actually going on now because of the past. Thoughts can really take over and it's your thoughts are fueling your emotions and possibly causing you to react in ways that don't match the situation.

It is really important to question your thoughts when you feel upset, hurt or stressed. Byron Katie has a wonderful process (and there's a lot of free information online) to help you get a clearer idea of what is true and what isn't. Be gentle and loving with yourself and keep returning to what is true now. It will start to get easier to know what is best for you in terms of your relationship.

Best Wishes, Susie and Otto

Getting therapy with a professional trained to get you through these long-term issues will get you where you want to be much more quickly than trying it on your own.

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