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open relationship

Published on July 4, 2012 by nickle_5088

me and my current boyfriend were engaged. we had a house together and lived out lived completely together. things went south and we separated for about three months. we spent the first month or so having no conntact with each other and seeing other people and living our lives separately. when we split, he moved out of state back to his home town. after about a month we started talking again and making trips to see each other. after two months of ups and downs and plenty of fighting and working through our problems we have since gotten back together. in the three months we spent apart, we never stopped loving each other, i could even say we fell more in love with each other. we learned to appriciate and cherish each other more. the breaking point when we finally got back together was when he was utterly miserable with out me. he said it felt like there was i giant hole in his chest and it got to the point he didn't want to do anything, he was just lost. even when we were apart, and he was seeing another girl from his home town where he moved, he would still tell people that i was his soul mate, his other half, and the person he was suppose to be with. when we got back together it was with the mutual understanding between us that we would never separate or break up again. we didn't want anyone else, no one else came close to what we meant to each other and how much we loved each other. we are still living in different states, due to the fact that there is no colleges for me to attend in the state he is in and he hates the town that i live in and go to school in. but we are completely commited to each other. recently he suggested that we have an open relationship. what he wants is for us to still be a couple and planning a future together, including planning on getting married one day, but be allowed to sleep with other people if we want. he doesn't want to find another girl or even have other relationships. as he put it he loves me more than anything in the world and he knows that i am the person that he is suppose to and wants to spend the rest of his life with. he's not looking for someone better because he said he could never find anyone better than me, but he wants to have his freedom. he said he's not ready for marraige or the seriousness of our relationship, but he still wants to be with me and no one else and to marry me. some day. i am so confused what to make of any of this. i completely beleive him when he says that he wants to be with me forever and that i am the only person he's ever going to love. there isn't a doubt in my mind that he means it, but if he cares and loves me so much, and knows that he's going to marry me, why does he feel he needs to have his freedom to sleep with other women. on top of that, he is not someone who is promisuous or anything. the only women he has ever slept with are ones he's been in relationships with, and that is a small number. i don't understand any of it really or how i should handle it. should i just wait for this phase to pass? until he doesn't feel like he needs to have this freedom any longer? please help i'm totally in uncharted waters. thanks


If he truly loved you, he wouldn't be able to bear the thought of you being with another man. Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you're right for each other. Sounds like you have a rocky relationship, fighting often with repeated break-ups. That's not an emotionally healthy relationship. You have to do what's right for yourself. If the arrangement is not what you want, it doesn't matter that you love him. You're the master of your life. Don't ever sacrifice your happiness for someone who's not on the same page as you. Tell him you're into exclusive relationships, and you're going to move on. Concentrate on your education. By the time you graduate, the men your age should be a little more mature.

He wants to sow his wild oats. Tell him you can no longer communicate with him because you need closure. Tell him that if he's ready for an exclusive relationship years down the road, then that'll be when he can look you up and see if you are available.

I have a feeling by then, that with distance and time, you'll see that he wasn't "the one." When you meet a guy that makes you feel special every day, and makes you his main priority, you'll wonder why you ever wasted your time with someone so inappropriate for you. He will try to call you. Don't let him intrude into your mind. It's best for yourself to go cold turkey. Change your number if you have to. Good luck.

Love is an action. It is what you do, not what you say.

If you stay, how many more times is he going to go through this "phase"? You need to have standards and limits and boundaries. If you don't, he will do whatever he wants whenever he wants.

You have to decide what you want. Do you want someone who is sleeping with other women? Suppose you do get married and he decides he didn't sleep with enough and wants to do it again and again and again.

It is SO disrespectful of him to ask this of you. If he isn't respecting you and is doing things that is COUNTER to what someone would do if they loved and cared about you, why do you believe him? He's not acting like someone who loves you. He's acting like an idiot.

If he's not ready for a serious relationship, he should let you go. He wants to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it and if it doesn't work out with others, he still has you.

He wants you to be his fool. That is not love. That is not respect. That is not caring.

He's telling you things to keep you there. He's telling you things to keep you hooked. It's a bunch of crap.

If you respect yourself, you will demand respect to others. Your self-respect and dignity has got to mean more than any man or any relationship and if you agree to this, it doesn't.

Sounds like he cannot make up his mind! There are guys that believe that they need to try on as many "shoes" as they can. Otherwise! they will feel that they are missing something! Maybe this is his way of thinking!!!!!!!!!

If you believe that I have a bridge to sell you. My wife puts it this way he is just blowing smoke up your as and painting this pretty picture and the fact is if he truly loves you he doesn't and in fact couldn't see other people because the love for you wouldn't let him. So we say please don't let him have his cake and eat it too. PS the wife also thinks he already has someone but cant figure out how to tell you