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Online Love Lost

Published on September 8, 2012 by denby

There have been circumstances in my life that have caused me to have incredibly low self esteem. I am a 23 year old, attractive, witty woman on the outside but on the inside I feel like an ugly little girl. The problem is, I've never had a boyfriend. I've never even really given myself the opportunity to have one as I am completely closed off. I recently joined a dating website to see if I got any attention or potential love interests but I know that deep down, I was never really ready to ACTUALLY embark on any real relationship. However, I did connect with someone and we texted everyday and called eachother often and I felt really happy and smitten by him. This went on for two weeks with a few invites from him to hang out and me creating some excuse. Finally two days ago he asked to meet me at my work which is a restaurant and I said "no, but can I call you later?" To which he responded "no, don't worry about it." and I havent spoken to him since. I got quite upset and told him he shouldn't be mad at me, afterall it's only been two weeks. The next day, still nothing..so I apologized and told him that I just am not comfortable meeting yet. The next day, still nothing, so I told him that after such a short time I really enjoy talking to him and that I would love to meet him sometime soon. NOTHING. Finally I tried to phone and he blocked my call. I don't know why, but I am just devastated by this. Is this normal? I don't even know the guy but we seemed to just connect so well! I feel like I need answers and that I don't deserve to be just dropped out of nowhere when everything was going seemingly awesome. I don't know whether to cry or just punch something. What do i do?

ANSWERS

No, you are not ready for online dating. The point of it is to communicate by e-mail a couple of times, have a couple of phone conversations, and if that goes well, to set up a date, to see if the chemistry is there. You rejected him several time after he suggested you meet. Why should he keep communicating with you? Not everybody has unlimited patience to wait around for someone who is not confident enough to meet. If I were him, I would've done the same thing.

If you are closed off to people and have self esteem issues, you're not ready to date. Go to counseling. Get some self help books from the library. Spend time with girlfriends, and if you don't have any hobbies or interests, pick one you like and spend time doing that. It may take several years of this before you feel good enough about yourself. At the state you're in right now, you will attract the wrong mate. People with self esteem issues attract possessive bullies. Emotionally mature men are attracted to women with confidence and women who have their own lives full of friends and other interests, and don't make the man the center of their universe.

One other thing, don't tell a man where you live or work when you haven't even met him yet. It's not safe. Always meet in public places for the first 2 or 3 dates. Good luck.

You need to decide 'who' is ideal for you. I wonder what it would be like for you if you imagined/visualized what it is you want in a relationship? Consider what you truly desire in this man of your dreams. When you are really clear, you will be in a better place to be open to truly connecting with another person. It is also significant that this is place you have lived for some time. Counselling to uncover your limiting beliefs and shift your thinking about yourself and building your self esteem would be an important next step. Coaching would provide you with a direction for your life and creating the life of your dreams. Take action and love yourself!

Try volunteering or engaging in activities for a hobby, interest, or cause of yours. Any man you meet through that will automatically have one thing in common with you upon which you can build.

Also, I would recommend joining Toastmasters (a public speaking club) to work on overcoming shyness and self-esteem issues.

Exercising regularly at a gym or the YMCA will help you feel better about yourself (exercise often does wonders even for those who have clinical depression) - and is a traditional way to meet fit young men.

Finally, join and become active in a church. It's not exactly great for meeting AVAILABLE men, but the people you will meet are honestly friendly and supportive and can show you that you have lots of reason to have HIGH self esteem.

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