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once a relationship becomes "open" is there anyway of going back?

Published on May 1, 2009 by gypsyise

I have been living with my bf for 8 months, im 38 & he is 29. Recently it has come to my attention that he has been starting relationships with women on line and carrying it over to his phone with calls text messages and sending pics back n forth. It really bothers me. I was married when i was younger and divorced by 30. I have 2 kids and i am at a place in life where i only want to be with 1 man. When i confronted him about his secrets he came clean and told me that i was his longest relationship he has had with out cheating. He really wants to have sex with someone else to see if what we have is really what he wants. He encouraged me to date also. The thing is he has been talkin to this 1 lady ( she is my age with 5 kids) so he already knows who he wants to be with. I dont really have many problems meeting guys but I can promise that if I sleep with someone else I will probably want to move on. I dont think I can be with him knowing what he wants to do because it feels like he doesnt love me. I always thought that in a monogomous relationship where you really love someone you dont do those things because they are wrong - you dont say ok lets try this and if it turns out bad ill be back with you and i know i want to marry you - or if it goes well maybe just need to sleep around some more to get it out of my system. - I am really confused. Nothing has happened yet but I think that emotional relationships can be harder to deal with then sexual. I have been trying to not let it bother me but it really does. He is hiding his cell phone - sleeping with it! it is kinda getting crazy. I dont think he cares about who i talk to or what i do.

ANSWERS

Your instincts are correct. Find someone else that will cherish you. This guy will never be faithful and will cause you no end of heartache.

First of all, I don't think your boyfriend has been really open. He has been going as close as he could to cheating without actually doing anything. This wasn't something he discussed with you and he probably knew you wouldn't like it

The thing about open relationships is that they absolutely have to be something both people agree to. If you feel that love means monogamy, it won't work for you. You know that what you really want is one monogamous guy - stick to that.

I think you should probably let this guy go. He wants something different from you. He has shown that he can't be trusted and he has cheated in the past. You'll be happier if you find someone who shares your values about a relationship.

I have had this problem only I was him and my boy friend was you. I know how much heart ache I caused my ex by just talking and flirting with the idea of cheating, and it did lead to more, it always does. By the end my ex and I were both misrable. You deserve to be happy. Your kids deserve to see you happy. Remember your kids learn from you. Would you advise your children to stay in this kind of relationship? If the answer is no then stand up for your self and tell him that he can have you and only you or he can get lost!

You've been together for 8 months and that's the longest he's gone without cheating? Ahh...that should've been an indicator. He's not ready to settle down and be with one person, and I doubt very seriously that you'll be hearing wedding bells any time soon. It's time to move on. Futhermore, like some of the others mentioned - an open relationship is between two people who are totally open. You don't have an open relationship, you caught on to what he was doing and confronted him...that's cheating.

gypsyise you need to move on, like you said you are in a place in your life where you want a 1 on 1 relationship with someone-- This guy is all about playing with other vaginas right now - do not waist your time-- its only been 8 months --- you can move You are NOT a rebound girl--- Move on---

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