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Not enough loving?

Published on April 22, 2012 by frumpyolmaid

I have never felt so unattractive, so ugly, and so sexually unappealing as I do right this moment. I don't know if I even care about the tears burning my eyes or the pain/anger I feel right this moment. He fell asleep. If it was just that he fell asleep I don't think I would mind so much but its the fact he fell asleep on top of this morning.
This morning we fooled around. I aroused him kinda sorta accidently on purpose. He had a great orgasm. And then turned off the movie and was ready to leave. Didn't ask if I wanted to cum or be touched or... anything. I think I disgust him. I know he loves me... but sometimes I'm not sure he's sexually attracted to me. He never initiates. If I try to explain how I feel or that I'm hurting... it just turns into me feeling guilty for trying to talk about it. I just... don't know what to do.

ANSWERS

You seem to be upset about many things: you have to initiate sex, your communication about love making is not successful, and he fell asleep. Not sure how you're prioritizing these, so for now, let's roll back the clock. You haven't given an indication of how long you've been together, and that might make a difference in this discussion, however can you remember what first attracted you to this man? And think about his overall being and also the chemistry, the kind of things that drew you to him, how he made you feel. Putting aside for a moment this morning, are all or most of those early attractions still operating?

If not, well, then there are other things to think about, and for now, I'll address that you ARE still attracted to him. In the beginning, did he initiate sex? Has that changed lately? Do you have a practice that you both intend that each partner must have an orgasm before sleep? Are you happy you satisfied him? Or angry because you feel he didn't consider your needs? So much stuff going on, and you sound too upset to sort this out.

When you both are not headed for the bedroom and no proximity to sex, how about sitting down and having a chat with him. Ask him what's going on with him; be prepared to share your feelings.....and WITHOUT anger, without accusations. Hopefully this can be conducted without yelling. Tell him what your needs are; ask him how you can help him. If this is a relationship you both want to continue and deepen, you need to share things that can help move it along. This is not a time for bringing up past regrets. Caution yourself to AVOID two phrases that do not speak truth: "you never" and "you always." Be willing to listen and digest what he says to you. Further, if you haven't tried this previously, just one talk is not going to tie up your future in a pretty bow. Developing good communication skills is a practice worth continuing....and continuing it can. We are all works in progress. Stop for a moment and love the good within you. Rejection, implied or imagined, hopefully is not the basis for one's feeling unappealing. We serve everyone in our lives better when we notice and appreciate the best in ourselves. It comes from within, and if we depend on others to bolster us, we might often feel inadequate. I hope you get some sleep. Perhaps tomorrow this will all feel better.

Hi dear, first I suggest that you buy yourself a pretty new pair of undies, which should make you feel better. Take care to eat very well and pay attention to your grooming, all of those things you chicks are good at. Consider walking 30 minutes every work day. In other words, take excellent care of yourself, because that is the best way to make yourself feel better about yourself. As for the guy, it sounds to me as if you have things well in hand and are doing the best you can do. If you are taking good care of yourself, then you are doing your best, and let whatever happens happen.

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