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Normal for ur gfriend to start relationships with ur guy friends?

Published on December 7, 2010 by wildriverdude

I have been dating a girl for 3 yrs and it has been totally awesome, we have even talked about marriage, but she seems to have cooled off and my present status is broke up. She told me that she just wants to be friends right now with the possibility of getting back together in the future, although she says she still loves me, and I love her. She said it is because she wants to get more spiritual, and feels guilty for being in physical relationship. And she is having doubt that she could marry me because we are of different religions.

  Before we broke up I introduced her to a business contact acquaintance of mine to help her better her business. The next thing I know she gives him free tickets to a concert she is going to, (shes says for the purpose to solidify him as a business contact), they are texting, emailing, talking on the phone, and have been to lunch together, and all this while we were still in boyfriend/girlfriend status. Thats sad, because I swore I would never introduce another girlfriend/wife, etc, to my contacts again, and has me doubting womens ability to be faithful in situations like that, and I know that I am wrong for doubting that all women are like that, but I am extremely gun shy right now. I agreed to try to be just her friend, in some aspects nothing much has changed, we still would go out together alone like always, go to the beach, boating, even spending the night together, etc, except there was to be no physical contact between us, just maybe a hug at departure, and her not saying she loves me when we depart any more, even though she said she did love me.

On another occasion I take her to a marina bar in my boat, some starving artist there unbeknownst to us sees her with me and sketches her nude on a napkin and gives it to me as we are leaving. I thank him and give it to her, he was nice about it and we both are not mad. He signed his last name on the napkin, as artists do. The next thing I know she researches his name, finds his email and sends him an email supposedly "thanking" him for the sketch. (I dont really know what she said, I was not privy to that email) After I found that out I did the same thing because it seemed harmless, and appeared to be in good taste, and I didnt want the guy to think that I was mad at him for doing that. But then they begin emailing back and forth, and he invites her and I back to the marina bar to listen to some live music which is also where he works as a part time bar tender I take her there and they meet in person for the first time she is very friendly with him, shows very positive body language, touches him several times on the arm, play punched him, and rubbed his head once, and they hugged two or three times as we were leaving, all of this right in front of me. I also find out that she has told the starving artist that she and I are just friends, and nothing about being freshly "broke up" or having been in a 3 year relationship.

To interject, I have told her prior to both of these situations that something that I have a severe hatred for is to be in a relationship with a girl and she starts up a relationship with someone I introduce her to, or that she meets while she is with me. I make it very clear to her that I personally feel it is the worst thing that someone can do to a bf/gf/mate, etc, that they supposedly love. So as I ask her directly and she tells me that she has been with the business associate to lunch one time, and the starving artist as well. And these have also have been non business, personal lunch dates, since the business associate tried prior to that but could not be of any assistance to her in her business, nor of course the starving artist/part time bartender.

She has volunteered very little information about having contact with these two individuals, even when we were in a bf/gf relationship, not sharing texts, or emails, just telling me the gist of the texts and emails, but appears to be honest and answers my direct questions about them, if I use specific attorney type of questioning. As I see what I feel is a relationship developing with both of the people I have introduced her to, I begin to feel like she is using me to meet guys, since the two times that I have introduced her to someone or she has met someone when she is going out with me, she has began a progressive friendship/relationship with them, and I reminded her of what I said about how I feel about her going after guys that I have introduced her to, I asked her to break it off with these two with unless it was business related or I cannot even remain at friend status with her because it is so disgusting to me, and virtually gave her an ultimatum and drew a line in the sand.

 Let me interject this too, she has at least 4 other guys, that I know of, that she is texting, emailing, and/or goes to lunch with and/or out for drinks with, she got drunk with one of her business contacts and "had" to spend the night at his house alone, and this was in the pinnacle of our relationship and swore they did not have sex or any physical or intimate contact. I told her that It was up to her if she continued pursuing the guys that she met or knew on her own, or any guy she may meet in the future, but I have a problem the two she met through me that she is striking up a relationship with. She told me she could not do that and chose those two guys that she hardly even knows for like a month or two right now over our 3 year friendship/relationship. I told her that it appears to me that she is not able to resist any decent looking guy that flirts with her or shows her any attention at all, because I could not think of even one guy that has showed her attention that she hasn't pursued.

 I told her the door is always open if she should change her mind, to give her some time with out contact with me to think, as long as in the interim that she didnt get into a bf/gf relationship with the two, or have a sexual relationship with anyone else, and if that should happen, don't worry about calling me ever. And by the way, I have never cheated on her in any form or fashion and have been totally unselfish with her, she has even told me how honest, open, unselfish, and giving I am to her on many occasions herself. As far as I know she has never cheated by having sex or physical contact with another person, but I do feel betrayed by her starting up relationships with guys I have introduced her to, and others she knows, especially when we were in a boyfriend/girlfriend status. I might add this to the equation, she virtually has no girl friends that she does anything on a social basis with, just guys, and says that is the way she has always been. I would like to say one more thing, and that is, shes not a kid, she is 36 yrs old and has experience in relationships.

My questions are, am I wrong for giving her an ultimatum, if so how? What could I have done different? She acted like I was a weirdo for being irritated that she was striking up a relationship with both guys that I have introduced her to, because she said they were "just friends" and she said she had no intentions of dating them, Is that normal, am I wrong for that irritating me? Please let me know what you think of this whole scenario as I am clueless. Also is it just me but is (A) she being a "Player" or "Playerette", by having 5 guys that she is she is texting, emailing, calling, going on dates with and them paying, etc, all at the same time, and (B) how could that fit in with her reason for wanting the "friend zone" status for her and I if she is wanting to get more spiritual and has guilt?  I would sure appreciate your help on this.   Please Help, Wildriverdude

ANSWERS

Well,first of all if she was feeling guilty about her behavior and wanted to be a Christian,she would NOT be behaving this way because that is NOT the way a Christian is supposed to act! And from everything you have said here it's clear that this woman cannot be trusted so I think you are better off moving on. God has a better person for you than this. Best of luck and you'll be in my prayers.

(A-Z) it doesn't fit! None of it does. Be like me telling you to mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. It's ridiculous! Trust your judgment! She's playing with your head and emotions with a capital "P"

~Vanillaskies

If you are broke up and just friends - she is free to be friends with or date anyone she chooses, regardless of how they met. It is you're choice whether or not to continue a friendship with her. If you are having problems such as this, and making ultimatums, then that tells me you can not handle being her friend because you are wanting more. Sounds like you may have had a past experience that has made you sensitive to introducing your girl to other guys. It does not sound like these guys are the reason for her breaking up with you. If she is casually seeing or having friendships with several guys, then she must not want to be in a serious relationship right now. On the other hand, if she all the sudden is not having her normal guy friendships and is getting serious with one particular guy, then maybe something happened to lead to the break-up. I will not be the judge of her "spiritual" motives, but it's certainly not a bad thing and quite normal for a girl to have guy friendships or even casually dating different guys when she is not in a serious relationship. She is trying to maintain a friendship with you without sex. If she was being a "player" like you suggest, why not just have sex with you too? You mentioned that you had discussed marriage - I'm assuming that was while you were still together -- and that she is not sure she could marry you. That is not something to take lightly and is obviously something she would need to be sure about. My advise is if her behavior bothers you that badly, you are in no position to offer her friendship. I just noticed, you still refer to her has your girlfriend in the subject? Isn't she you're ex-girlfriend? And you say your "present status is broke up" - as if it's subject to change?? It really sounds to me that you have not accepted the fact that she is no longer your girlfriend and free to do what she wants. Until you can accept that, if ever, then you will not be in a position to be a friend.

Hey Laughter-My Medicine, thanks for your reply, thats exactly what I want is for someone to be honest with me,,,Im not trying to find a yes man or woman. If I am wrong I want to know, even if it stings. One thing I may not have explained correctly or I guess I may have misconstrued is the reason that this irritated me so much, was that this checking out the guys I introduced her to, as well as ones she met on her own, all began while we were in a bf/gf relationship. And festered from there. Also I am very big on openness, transparency, and honesty in a relationship. She told me that the reason for the break up was because of her guilt, and she wanted to get more spiritual and be a more positive role model for her young kids, and also didnt want a serious relationship with anybody right now. Thats fine and I totally understand that, but I question how that is possible, or could be true when she has 5 guys that are interested in a relationship with her and she knows that and yet she is, sorry for the expression, playing them for dates, attention, and so forth. How does that relate to "getting more spiritual", "not having guilt", and "being a positive role model for your girls". I think I would have rather her just say she wants to play the field for a while before she gets into a serious relationship. To me thats like an alcoholic wanting to quit drinking but yet keeps his bartender job. Anyways Im just confused and trying to make sense of it all, but I really do appreciate your comments, you have been very helpful. Wildriverdude

Hey Vanillaskies, thanks for your reply. Im not sure if I understand your illustration, but I certainly do understand "it doesnt fit" and totally agree. And I agree with your comment on playing with my head and emotions. Thanks again for taking the time to reply to my questions. Wildriverdude

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