My husband becomes angry when
I talk to him about boundaries even if I just show him an article on the topic. I've also asked him to please keep our marital discussions between us.
Unfortunately he does not listen. For example if a 'female friend' texts him, he will tell her I don't like it. He maintains the friendship, however, tells me as little as possible about their relationship. Even if I am uncomfartable I feel as if I can't say anything otherwise he will tells his coworkers etc.
This seems to parallel my opinion. If he tells a story to his coworker about a problem he had with his child, she may say you should not have done that and he will feel guilty. If I were to say the same thing it holds no weight.
Ladies, Like it or not men and women will ask other friends for advice. You should really look at the BRIGHT SIDE of things; He wants to effectively communicate and understand your viewpoint, concerning the "issues." Yet you have no right to dominate and intimidate him like your his mom, so it appears as if he has buffered and tempered your dictatorship over him. Some women tend to try to be EVERYTHING in a marriage or relationship, and maybe your the one who is not respecting boundaries in ESSENCE. The attitude you have concerning "I am a woman and I have natural mothering skills" and he ignores u then listen to his friends insults you, just admit it. Your husband is telling you kindly that you don't own him and can't tell him who to consult and whom to get advise from concerning how he comprehends or interprets your feelings,clarification or your parenting OPINIONS concerning what "YOU FEEL". You will have to respect that most men allow women their say,but bottom line is- you have no power over his friendships or associations to confide in female/male friends whom he trust concerning his parenting skills. His son may be a touchy issue and you may at times blur the boundaries and add your opinion (possibly because most women can't help it thinking they are being helpful) but you TOO could be blurring the lines concerning boundaries (in this situation)and he is trying to show you the mirror of hypocrisy. I applaud your husband for having another outlet and perspective because the Bible says in Proverbs 15:22 "Plans fail without advice, but with many counselors they are confirmed." Yet some women think that they can isolate men and groom a man with ONLY the verses that say a man should leave his parents and cleave to his wife' like since your his only confidante your intelligence and wisdom is above anyone else views for consultation on an array of things as it refers to him. Its hilarious to him... I don't think you need marriage counseling , you may just need to practice what you preach and listen to what he is trying to say regarding YOU CAN'T DICTATE AND BE ALL THINGS TO HIM'. Which in my opinion seems to be the problem that you can't easily digest. Seems like you hold a grudge from possibly a past incident where he didn't use your counsel concerning his son, and now your COMPILING two separate issues trying to use your leverage as a wife in an area that your not respecting his boundary. There is no law that says he should follow his wife's viewpoint on parenting because she is a woman...lol, lighten up please. What appears to be the real issue is you don't like his female friend giving him wisdom on how to deal with you so now your intimidated by the fact you can't isolate him and dictate how things should be "ACCORDING TO THE WIFE"- its a power trip on your part. He has a right to be angry, but I think you should just control you and work on your need to dictate and power trip and start there
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Sorry. A lot of information has been left out.
I haven't given him my opinion in a while because I realize he does want he wants anyway. Another example... if I take away a priveledge (TV) from my child say until their homework is completed, he sees no problem returning it before the homework is done.
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In addition: Ladies, please understand women are aware your reading Mademoiselle,Home and Gardens, and all types of magazine where they get this information and TRY TO BE THE AUTHORITATIVE figure on marriage,etiquette and Chief in Counsel over intimacy,sex and everything else. Which is tantamount to a Bully and having a cult mentality. We are men, not impressionable children,take that crap to kindergarten to that audience. Here's my point, no matter how many articles you bring trying to sway,concoct, intimidate, groom, manipulate things in your favor- it is still offensive because WHO MADE THIS CERTAIN TYPE OF WOMAN GOD? No one! If a man doesn't put down his foot and get other women outside of the marriage to interpret this cult mentality of the woman trying to influence ALL of the mans rights to think the way he wants then eventually things will get worse where you will need counseling . Soon she will be playing Pastor, Sex therapist,Sports dictator, she'll have an opinion about everything and this is a tell tale sign that if you give some women brevity to control the home, they then want to control your mind as well.
Women know women, so it is not the worse thing for men to confide in his group of friends to try to break his wife,girlfriend,partner or other out of this "KNOW IT ALL" mentality. A bully and a control freak power tripping wife will claim the outside advisers whether its women are men is tantamount to cheating emotionally and that is the liar trying again to control others because his friends are checking her B.S. at the door. This man may have no sexual attraction to the women giving him insight to his wives behaviors and may love his wife but how do you draw the line from allowing a woman to control the kitchen, control what color is painted in the house, control what food comes in the house- then she tries to control everything you think and how you consult for advise. Ladies if you can find yourself doing this it is a good sign your abusing your mate by trying to influence him in a negative way. Men are not puppets and there will be backlash
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@anonynmous22- Having two different parenting skills may be based on two different Core Belief Systems. Neither one is bad, but the backlash has already begun, based on the general examples from the TV privileges and one parent keep taking the reign from the other. I understand this can be frustrating for you, but lets use this example- Do u ever watch the Maury show? Women come on the show violent,belligerent, yelling, disrespecting the man they claim is the father because they have this " MOTHER KNOWS BEST " attitude and then after all the drama comes to find out the mother was wrong and the child is not the man they denigrated, challenged, or accused of being the father and then they are FORCED to apologize after they run off with fake tears. Some people think men have a better handle on boys and some women think women have a better handle on girls, both your parenting styles can be beneficial. Please pardon me if I used a lot of generalities, but you have to understand this is something that children sense concerning you guys are not on the same page and they will play you both like a fiddle. Maybe you may need church counseling first to help you both forgive each other. I think he is only rebelling because you may be trying to dictate to him acting like Mom knows best on EVERYTHING and he thinks he created a monster by not challenging you sooner. It may hurt for you to get the feedback from his female co-workers, male friends or advisers concerning your need to control and dictate, but you have to see that the women are helping him put a finger on the issue, not the personality or character defects you have when trying to assert your authority. Pray to change yourself, and get in the same book, same page, and same paragraph and you can only do that by apologizing for your past
mother knows best attitude and it may change the way he perceives you. Seek personal counseling, but don't force him because it is about your need to control, he will come along later
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Men want to be involved in parenting, men want to have a RIGHT to fail if they underestimate the child fiddling with their techniques to discipline,BUT, and I say BUT ladies should a man have the same room to make mistakes as any other human being without a woman feeling she is the EDUCATOR and do things my way or the highway? There are a great many men that are hands off when it comes to parenting and there are hundreds of thousands of women who plead for the men to be involved but the men refuse based on the women trying to SUPERVISE the males involvement and that can resentment because men feel like no ones perfect and they should be giving room to explore different options and take in a GROUP mentality of advise on subject, but how do you convey that to any one who refuses to give up that control? The "your not doing it right"or" See I told you so" spirit can rub men the wrong way and eventually when he is successful and finds a way to correct and discipline the child in a way that works without the woman's consent, he may go outside as he did to get feedback and conducive Rapport that doesn't seem like a power struggle in all areas of your marriage. Its gonna take some time for women to have faith in their man learning what works for him , but a woman can't try to isolate his counsel because that will alienate her in other areas- if that makes sense. Men and women can have platonic friendships where he trust another woman outside of his wife to give him feedback, and not have to GET PERMISSION to have this innocent rapport.
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