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New guy, old love, or stay single???

Published on October 1, 2012 by hail-bail27

The issue is this: I've been talking to this new guy for a little while now. He's really sweet, handsome, has his life together, and my friends want me to be with him. Don't get me wrong, I like the idea of being with him, but I'm just not attacted to him, and I don't know why. He actually gets on my nerves a little bit and when he shows any form of affection, like kissing, hugging, etc., I just wanna push him away. I don't know if it's the lack of attraction I feel towards him or if it's because of my ex. We've been broken up for 4 months now, and we're still friends, but I still find myself thinking about him all the time. I still find him incredibly attractive and I tend to get super happy whenever he texts me or I see him. I don't know what to do. I get more frustrated everyday. Please, someone, help :(


The lingering shadow of your ex certainly doesn't increase your likelihood of attraction to this guy. But I'm curious. . . Was there a huge physical attraction between you and your ex? A lot of drama? A lot of effort on your part to convince him you were good enough for him?

If there was, perhaps you've been programmed to look for romantic partners who keep you slightly off balance. Sometimes great guys who are emotionally available and suitable for committed relationships just don't grab our attention because we don't have to work hard enough to win them. Often at some level, we're not sure we deserve a guy who thinks we're a goddess.

If you're absolutely sure that's not you, then chalk this one up to a plain, old lack of chemistry. As long as you're not working from a subconscious script that makes you head for guys that are destined to break your heart, while you write off the ones who'd treasure you, it just might be that -- nice as he is -- he's not the one. (p.s. Just know that the longer you stay stuck in longing for Mr. Ex, the longer it'll take for the right guy to show up).

Good luck! Meri

Okay , you are not going to change your feelings about the new guy, like it or not he just is not making the bells ring for you. Why would you waste your time when you know you are not going to change how you already feel.. Second Sweet one you are already broke up . There was a reason for that. Yes, you tell your self you light up when you hear from him. Yet, the truth is he was not that perfect match as well. Stay single for now. Take a real look at what you desire in your life and then begin to make the changes so that you can fill them. Never should you rely on someone else to fill what you need.

You never know just how long that other person is really going to be there. If you are already filling your needs you are safe and secure then the perfect someone can be perfect just because he will be all the little extra's in your life.


Have you been on a "real" date with New Guy (NG) yet? I always recommend that my clients to go on two dates if date #1 was nice, but the attraction wasn't there. It can take time for attraction to grow, and as we all know, looks fade in time, but the kindness and friendship is what stays.

BUT, attraction is important and if NG doesn't do it for you, you'll have to keep looking for someone who does.

As for Old Boyfriend (OB) goes, I think it's best to quit the friendship as well. Once a relationship is over, it's normally healthiest to cut all ties in order to grow and to move on.

Best of luck. XO

I wish it was easier, but it sounds like you aren't over your ex yet.

Sounds like you might need to back things up a bit and put some space between you and your ex. If your ex is unwilling (or unavailable) to get back together with you, it might be helpful for you to take a break from being friends or having contact with him (at least for some time). Then, you can start to shift your energy away from the past relationship and give the new guys you are getting to know a chance. This new guy may or may not be a match for you, but it sounds like you aren't open to a new relationship yet.

Best wishes, Susie and Otto