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Neewd help before i loose my partner

Published on February 10, 2012 by samantha mccleery

Hello, I've been going with my partner for over 3 years nows.. and We have a 3 month old daughter and before i was pregnant we had a normal sex life, then when i found out i was pregnant we stoppped haven sex as i didnt want touched, it the same now i just dont want sex i dont dfind it fun or enjoy it, it is like a chore like i have to do it.. and i found out he was watching porn which made us fight. So i really need help.. I dont want to lose him.

ANSWERS

It's exhausting to take care of a new baby, and it takes your body a while to get back to normal. There's nothing wrong with you. But just because you don't feel like having sex, doesn't mean your husband should go without. Even if you don't feel like it, you need to initiate sex with him about twice a week. Fake it. Sometimes you can pleasure him with just your hands. Switch it up. Use a lubricant. Ask him to give you a full body massage. You have to compromise here. In a year or two, hopefully you will start feeling sexual again. If you don't, tell your doctor. Good luck.

One of the many changes a couple will experience in their relationship will be when they have their first child. This event will be a life changing event for both partners and a lot more things will change. It is so amazing to think that such a little thing as a baby can change your lives forever.

It is inevitable that when the baby comes out to the world, changes will happen. One of the changes that commonly happens is the shifting of attention.

Before the baby arrived your attention would have been focused on your partner. But now that the baby has arrived, your focus changes from your partner to the baby. At first your partner may just think of this as normal and will be tolerant of it.

But there there comes a time that your partner will feel neglected and unloved. Even the most insensitive of men will be able to feel this. So what happens? They try to seek for attention. It may even reach a point wherein they would do things on the extreme level just to compensate for what they feel is lacking. This becomes very dangerous for the relationship.

Women who have just given birth are more sensitive and more susceptible to these kinds of emotional stimuli. They are prone to have body image disturbance and other post partum complications which makes the attention shift more dangerous since it can generally affect the physical health as well as the psychological wellbeing of the mother.

In the end, romance in the romantic relationship comes to a halt and if no good intervention is implanted, then it is possible that it could stay that way for the rest of their relationship together.

Romance can be expressed in so many ways and one of those ways is through making love. Unfortunately, another effect of the baby's arrival is sexual abstinence. First, it is not quite possible to have sexual intercourse since the wound on the woman's vagina is still quite fresh. Having sex during the healing period may cause severe pain. Second, sexual abstinence may also be experienced because of attention shift. The husband or the wife has no interest in their partners. All he or she wants to do is to be with the baby.

In a love relationship, romance is something that you buy. But you do not use money to buy romance but instead you use time. Romance in a relationship requires time. But since most of either the man's time or woman's time is given to the baby, there is no time left to experience romance for each other.

What to do?

The only way to avoid these kinds of pitfalls in your romantic relationship is you always need to communicate with your partner. Even though most of your attention is given to the baby, spare some time to talk to your partner. Let him or her know that you still feel the same way. Make them understand. Most often than not your partners will understand and even be supportive of you.

Hi Samantha,

First of all, it's not your job to have sex with your partner. Sex isn't part of your marriage contract, and your partner should always be respectful if you're not 'feeling it', for whatever reason. Having sex when you don't want to isn't going to make you libido return - it'll just make you hate it more. Having a baby tends to change couples' sex lives a great deal - and in your case, it sounds as if the tiredness you are experiencing as a result of parenthood is affecting your sex drive, which is totally to be expected.

There's nothing you can do to automatically boost your sex life, but there might be things that will help. He's craving positive attention more than anything - kissing, touching, compliments. When babies enter our world these little affections tend to go out the window and we have less time for our partners, but if you're worried about "loosing him", these tiny gestures will go some way to making him feel more appreciated. Also, if you're lacking energy, make sure you and your squeeze are sharing baby-changing and night-time duties as much as you can. If he can give you more time to relax, things will definitely improve a little.

As for sex, there is an imbalance here. It's nobody's fault, but it is an issue. He will need to get his sexual satisfaction from somewhere, but if you aren't comfortable with him watching pornography, then you do need to communicate about what is okay with you. Simply arguing about the porn will probably not stop his habit - you need to talk to him about how it makes you feel, and maybe talk to him about why he uses it. The most important thing is that this doesn't become a secret that divides you; your mutual honesty is paramount.

You may also want to start thinking about what, if anything, turns you on. We all have our little likes and dislikes. Your husbands pressuring you for sex won't get you in the mood, especially if you're doing it the way he likes it. When you've been together for 3 years, sex usually becomes short-lived and repetitive. If you can start communicating to him what you like, and what turns you on, then maybe he can start trying some new things. It doesn't even have to be a sexual stimuli - you might fancy him more when he's in a suit, or after he's made you a nice romantic meal. Try dragging the 'fore-play' out into an evening together. Of course you can't take too much time out from the baby, but there are definitely ways round this. Be creative - and remember, sex doesn't start and end with penetration.

All these things will be aided by better communication. Try and stay calm when discussing these emotive issues; be supportive and encouraging of him to share his feelings and talk openly with you about how he feels about sex and the baby. This will deepen your bond with him and create a more positive home environment for you to rebuild your relationship.

I wish you both well.

let me get this straight....you had a baby three months ago and when you got pregnant you lost your desire for sex...and since then your desire hasnt returned right? and you feel its wrong for him to be watching porn because youre married. well i think you should thank god that he hasnt found himself a little on the side and started cheating on you and porn is just a form of sexual release since he cant have sex with you because you have no desire for it why make him suffer for it. im jst saying that its a little selfish of you because it isnt his fault that you feel the way you do and i think that instead of forcing you to make love to him which would only make you hate it more he has found a way to satisfy his urges without forcing himself on YOU.

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